tellyjelly

Dead Set: October 31st 2008

Borrowing liberally from the recent celluloid zombie uprising, Dead Set on E4 breathed life into Big Brother by adding copious helpings of death and undeath.  With echoes of both Dawn and Shaun of the Dead, spatterings of 28 Days Later and a premise akin to films like Wrong Turn 2:Dead End and Reality Kills, Dead Set pits a new set of Big Brother contestants and some production staff against what appears to be the rest of the world.

 

It works at times, as set pieces are energetically filmed, gore flows well enough to feed the appetite of the horror hungry watchers and the end is… well, the end.  The makers go down the same route as the classic zombie films, making social commentary in the context and hitting some nails squarely into the right heads.  This manifests well in some of the ‘dumb’ comments of the contestants, the casual swearing and the bullying, whilst going over the top in other ways, such as the mad butcher scenes with the producer.  The most horrific moment though has to be when said producer needs to relieve himself while trapped in a room with a squealing contestant, as a ravenous Davina McCall tries to butt her way through the locked door. Unpleasant on so many levels.

 

Ultimately Dead Set didn’t work as well as it could have.  A longer lead up before zombification would have helped establish the characters at a more emotional level rather than the Big Brother stereotypes that were delivered and I can’t help but wonder just what the impact would have been if instead of presenting it as a drama straight off, the producers had played it as a straight reality show until the undead arrived.  We could have had a War of the Worlds for the noughties.

 

Worth watching…if you’ve got the stomach for it!

Eastenders: 30 October 2008

Max has been left for dead by a hit and run driver and the moral of the story is: don't cross the road (ever) if you work on a soap. You need only ask Liam and Terry's girlfriend (whose name I can't remember) from Coronation Street; well, if they weren't fictional characters you could.

It is difficult to have any sympathy for Max and we can only hope the driver did us a favour and put us all out of our misery, but the big mystery is - and is going to be for months probably - whodunnit? The clever money has to go on Bradley having a personality transplant and deciding it would be a good idea to mow his dad down, but maybe it'll be Darren, or Jack, or Lauren, or... I'm sure we'll find out eventually after a drawn out, melodramatic investigation. Can't wait.

Died in the USA: Stephen Fry in America

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started watching the second instalment of Stephen Fry in America.  Having missed the first, I had a suspicion that I wouldn’t understand why he was there, it might be a pale imitation of a Palin travelogue or worse, it might prove Fry to be less than capable of turning his hand to this new venture.  I was pleasantly surprised and by the end I was doing that thing that this sort of programme really should aim for, making me wish I was there, sharing the spectacle and the experience – except for one particular section.

The bit I’m glad I missed was the rather surreal trip through some locked gates in Knoxville, to be met by what at first looked like your average American backyard (for average, read big), replete with shack, wheelie bins, an old car and an assortment of bin bags.  The twist - they all contained human bodies in various states of decay, some of which Mr Fry had the dubious pleasure of getting up close to.  This was effectively an outdoor laboratory for the study of human decomposition, ants, maggots and all.  Grisly and unpleasant, but well handled by Mr Fry, whose closing lines there made it clear how important the study was to helping to identify victims and ultimately to catch killers.  Amongst the banjo players, horse riders, bear up a tree, whiskey swilling, balloon ride and pomp of an American football match, this thought provoking section could have jarred, but didn’t.  I shall watch this again.

 

…and now the votes from the tellyjelly jury

Fringe Benefits

Sky+ is a wonderful thing, but it does mean that what follows is a few days after transmission!

Hyped as ‘from the creator of Lost’ by Sky, Fringe is supposedly the next big thing and I’m afraid the rather plodding and lacklustre season opener didn’t do it for me.  That may be down to trying to follow up a really good first ten minutes though.  I still gave the second episode a chance...and more or less the same thing happened!

 

Five minutes of tense and interesting set up, followed by much plodding and the already stale conceit of the mad scientist who has been involved with all sorts of strange shenanigans in the past that are coming back to haunt the world.  That said, the scientist character adds a much-needed quirk, strangeness and charm to the proceedings and John Noble was inspired casting (remember him as the mad Steward of Gondor in The Lord of the Rings?).

 

I find I can’t warm at all to the central character and do wonder whether it is the writing or the actress at fault.  Effectively she is Scully for the noughties, but without the lines or the emotional range.  And that may be where Fringe ultimately falls down for me.  Effectively so far, it is X-Files rebooted and minus the well defined characters.  I’ll stick with it to see how the story arc progresses, but found I was missing Mulder and Scully so much I had to watch the first X Files movie to remind myself what Fringe would so badly benefit from.

 

Heroes season 3 took another step back to the glory of season 1 with a real time-travelling twist and the best 5 minutes of TV I’ve seen for months.  Not giving anything away for the BBC2 viewers who will see that episode next week, but suffice to say if you’ve bought into the evil of Sylar, prepare to be blown away by his future incarnation.

tellyjelly ist auf einer Jury

Coronation Street: 13 October 2008

It's funny how sympathies can change so quickly when watching a soap. When Tony Gordon was evicting Minnie Caldwell's former lodger, we were ready to hate him and the same goes for when he was trying to put Kevin out of business. Now that he's turned his attention to killing Liam I can't help but think he's been misunderstood so far. If his plan succeeds, this will be one less of the black-haired gang on the Street and one more in heaven. It'll also mean we don't have to endure the pain of seeing Liam trying to be crafty. 

Eastenders: 10 October 2008

Only in soapland would the long lost adopted daughter decide to get a job cleaning for her biological mother and biological grandfather and think it would be a good idea to get to know them that way rather than TELL them she is who she is. Danielle, who only seems to be able to do mournful which is handy when working on Eastenders, was last seen clutching a photo of a younger Ronnie as she lay on the kitchen floor. I hope she realises it doesn't get better than this. And while we're on the subject, how is it nobody saw Archie being monstrous outside R n R as he burnt the letter from Joel - this is all too much melodrama for my liking and along with Tony the man deserves to be not just shot but dragged around the square and pelted with Ian Beale's rotten veg.

The Family: 8 October 2008

Despite initial reservations and lack of interest, I can't help being drawn back (against my will) to see how the members of this family ... have had their lives edited. Last night, dad got the short straw again as he was the main focus, but then again he might think he was shown in a good light compared to how he generally behaves. Who knows, but I think he should watch out for son Tom after we saw him alone in the kitchen wielding a knife as he imagined carving a message on his dad's brain. Teenagers have such vivid imaginations, I suppose, but his parents really should let him stay up later than 10pm 

Super Rich on BBC4

Robert Preston seems to be getting everywhere at the moment as the BBC call on him to explain where all the money has gone. It turns out the super rich have got it. This was all highly depressing stuff as he explained why everyone else will be hit by the recession, and apart from having a socialist revolution there's little we can do about it. It was only lightened by the information that incentivized is a word that other people use apart from Paul on The Apprentice.

It was a bleak night all round on telly last night and the only other highlight (apart from the incentivized one) was when Sunshine came to an end. With Steve Coogan and most of the cast from Early Doors this promised to be watchable, but in reality it came across as Murphy's Mob with worse acting.

Coronation Street: 3 October 2008

At one point in last night's hour of Coronation Street, it looked as though Rosie might have become food for the fishes at Mother Shipton's Well, or something like that. However, the plot has thickened enough for us to make an uneducated guess that she is, in fact, impersonating John Stapes' grandmother's cat. That is, he has not gone to the isolated house in the country to feed the cat as he claims but he has more than likely stashed her in the basement like the Collector he is. This week will probably prove me wrong, though, and Rosie will have been spotted in Moscow - just as some of the factory girls presumed.

Eastenders' Fred and Ginger

When something is about to be screened that is so painful to the eyeballs that you can't watch it directly, only with an elaborate use of mirrors or out of the corner of your soon-to-be-damaged eye, you'd expect to be given a warning by the continuity announcer. Either through a massive oversight or exceptional cruelty, innocent viewers were condemned to watch Ronnie attend her school re-union with Christian expecting her to perhaps get a bit tipsy. Instead, we were forced to hide behind the collective imaginary settee as they danced their hearts out to the applause of everyone gathered round. Of the very small segment I endured, I can only say someone might be hoping (unrealistically) to be on Strictly Come Dancing next year.

Losing It: Griff Rhys Jones on Anger

In Losing It, Griff Rhys Jones came across as quite jolly, avuncular even, despite protesting that he does get really angry sometimes. His anger management could have been solved in 10 minutes if someone would have just taken the time to say, you're not that bad really, but I suppose there wouldn't have been a programme then. He did reveal that one of his major trigger points comes when he receives emails from vicars in Norfolk asking him to open village fetes in six months time. For some reason, this sends him demented with rage, but he doesn't smash up his computer or track down the unthinking vicars and tell them off. He writes back politely informing them he has to decline the invitation.

Coronation Street: 29 September 2008

Could someone please explain why Janice went to all the trouble of creating the fake i.d. bearing Rosie Webster's name to cash the lottery ticket? Couldn't she have just cashed it herself as the bearer of the ticket? The only possible but convoluted reason is that she is going to have to admit to ripping off her colleagues now Rosie has gone missing as the the police will find out about the bank account. Apart from this quibble, this disappearing act is beginning to look good and could mean the show will turn into the north-west of England's answer to Twin Peaks - a damn fine bitter and Betty's hot pot sounds almost right.

Strictly Come Dancing and the Eastenders Cull

First Phil Daniels gets voted off and then Gillian Taylforth last night, and so the curse of Eastenders has struck again. This could be because they aren't very good dancers, but more likely it's karma working at long last as the gods have decided to punish those involved in the most depressing soap ever - with Hollyoaks as a close second.

I've also noticed that Strictly Come Dancing is getting longer and longer and next year it will probably be on every night for 10 or 11 hours depending on if they can find enough people/celebrities willing to punish themselves in this way. If not Bruce, could tell more and more jokes to fill in the time, well, he can carry on much as he does now and baffle people with his scripted wit. That one about Craig sucking on a lemon was particularly strange and, some may say, unnecessary.

Eastenders: 23 September 2008

Having endured a self-imposed ban on Eastenders for all of a show and a half, it drew me back last night like a siren and it's as though I've never been away. Luckily, I tuned in in time to see Big Mo explaining to Danielle about the finer points of market trading. All you have to do, apparently, is telling passing women who look a bit down that they look like Victoria Beckham. You then give them a scraggy bit of cloth and they give you £50 and everyone's a winner. And Dot has managed to put the Masoods and Patrick and Yolande out of business after a spot of food poisoning; well they'll be threatened with it no doubt and there will be much angst, until the script writers move on to another subject, such as Stacie being indecisive about getting pregnant.

Coronation Street: John Stape not John Snape

John Stape, English teacher, taxi driver, and now kidnapper has clearly come unstuck from reality. This became apparent last night and it wasn't just that he expected our Rosie to be sorry for her (and his) actions, but that he thought citing John Webster to her would make a difference. This could only happen in Coronation Street and that is why it wipes the floor with Eastenders every time. 

While Eastenders is trying to crank up its ratings by sensationalising abuse, Coronation Street avoids the clamour and even manages to be funny. Take the conversation between Blanche and Norris when they were gossiping about Jerry's ex-wife being a poisoner, and Norris said how he knew she was a criminal because her face is harder than the ones on Mount Rushmore; he's also worried about dying alone in a bedsit and turning into 'half-man half-mattress'. If only he had more lines, and could talk to Roy more so he had more lines, and then they could both visit Albert Square to give us a break from the east end perpetual misery.

The Family on Channel 4

I'm not sure if this updated version of The Family is too slick or if I'm being nostalgic for the 70s and the Wilkins, but I can't help thinking this family just isn't interesting enough to sustain a two month show. Apart from having the wrong family (ie not the Wilkins), I wish they'd left at least one reference in about the cameras filming their every move to remind me it's supposed to be a documentary. The soundtrack, occasional voiceovers and smart editing could lead some people to believe they'd been watching a Kent version of Crossroads. 

 

For those like me who miss the real family, go to http://www.screenonline.org.uk/tv/id/444743/ to see a clip of Tom.

BBC4's Only Connect

On seeing Victoria Coren was presenting a new quiz show I thought it would be worth a look as she has some quirky views. In the Observer, she wrote in defence of the two young chaps who pushed a woman off a train platform the day after she had criticised them for smoking at the same station. Bearing this in mind, there was a good chance this programme could have been original in its use of violence on game show contestants (throwing darts at each other instead of the board; tie them to the wheel of fortune before pushing it down the hill).

Unfortunately, it was un peu pretentious rather than funny or exciting. The give away was when one team member (of the Knitters) described a home-made tank-top as 'artisan crafted' rather than 'knitted', and the only way they could choose a category to answer a question was to have a working knowledge of the Greek alphabet. I doubt they win anything either, except the glory of taking part; it almost makes you wish for a return of Les Dennis (not Vernon Kay, who has been rumoured to be dead - but isn't) in Family Fortunes.

The Dark Side of Fame with Piers Morgan: Jim Davidson

As a former tabloid editor, you'd have thought Piers Morgan was the dark side of fame and Jim seemed to think so too as he blamed journalists for the downfall of his last marriage. Listen to Jim, though, and it doesn't take long to see that this subject choice was perfect for showing that Piers Morgan isn't that bad really, not when you compare the two anyway. Put aside all allegations and truths about his (Davidson's) homophobia, racism, sexism, and hatred for anyone left out, you still know he hasn't caught up with the 20th century when he quotes a Jethro joke to make his point about disliking women. As sorry a figure as this makes him, I can only feel sympathy for his ex-wives and all the soldiers who have not only had to fight in a war, but listen to his stand-up routine as well.

Coronation Street: 15 September 2008

As if Jerry didn't have enough to put with, seeing as his ex-wife tried to poison him, she has to drag out an old mocked up photo of when they were together 'before the twins were made'. By my reckoning this was around the time he was Sinbad in Brookside and he looked nothing like this younger Jerry; he looked the same then as he does now. Someone should tell Teresa this is a case of mistaken identity and this interloper was busying washing windows on a quiet close in Liverpool at the time she supposedly met him.

Big Brother: What the housemates did next

I wonder if Lee Kern was forced at gun point to make this film of what the housemates did next, as he just used the full hour to show us that these people are only celebrity wannabes whose fifteen minutes of fame are already over. Even though he is really smart, because he kept up the disingenuous act long enough to make everyone involved look less intelligent than him, he should have remembered his audience. We already know the housemates have no particular talents beyond appearing in a reality show for as many weeks as possible, and we also already know they are looking for a good pay day at the end of it. It would have been far more interesting to find out if Rex really should thank his father for his personality and see what Prince Charming thought of Kat's appearance. While we're on the subject, has Darnell bought himself some new slippers yet?

When Women Rule the World

When women rule the world, Steve Jones will be gurning in the background and making fatuous comments if this latest reality offering is anything to go by. Of course it goes without saying that this show cannot be trusted in anyway in its depiction of what would happen if the roles were reversed, except women will abuse their power too. It was hilarious at times, though, especially when the said presenter informed us that the show has set out to 'examine gender differences'.

I suggest the contestants should all undergo an enforced gender re-allocation to truly test this hypothesis and with the promise of a deal with OK magazine I'm pretty sure they'll go along with it. The side benefit for us will be that they can suffer the same pain we've had to endure.

The Secret Millionaire in Rochdale

It's strange how The Secret Millionaire always manages to be moving even though we know a) the millionaires can easily afford to give the money away, and b) their acts of charity help support rather than undo the capitalist system that has made their fortunes and kept the recipients poor. Perhaps it's the idea of being kind to strangers that is interesting to watch, and last night's show was a little different in that the millionaire (Hilary Devey) didn't claim to have an ideal lifestyle despite the wealth. The history of her son's heroin addiction and the last shot of her at home alone in her mansion prove money doesn't buy everything (but if you're reading this can you lend me a fiver?).

Eastenders: 8th September 2008

While we're still all mourning the loss of Big Brother for another year, Eastenders fits the mood as it drags on from episode to episode forever and ever.

The latest intrigue is set to involve unlikely femme fatale Stacie (yet again; more yawns) and new boy multi-talented Callum who is also the son of Bobby Davro, well, his character, Vinnie. Not only does Callum work for Ian Beale, which is always a difficult proposition, he also teaches Fightercise in the community centre. I doubt many viewers were surprised about this double life as every single member of the cast must have mentioned this class at least ten times before it began so we knew something exciting would happen when they arrived en masse, and lo and behold when Stacie turns up there he is ready to instruct them.

The only bright spot on the Eastenders map is the welcome thought that the latest Mitchell - Archie -  will turn out to be the worst one yet. His unprecedented kindness to Billy has not gone unnoticed and in a few weeks, perhaps at Christmas dinner, he will reveal how secretly he hates them all and has stuffed the turkey with arsenic.

Big Brother: Rachel wins

Good triumphed over evil in the final: well, Rachel came out of the house some time after Rex and I can only hope he will be a little disappointed - but not nearly as much as Luke seems to be. She came out the winner and was clutching Mikey's favourite washing aide, which is also known as his cup, and amazingly continued to be as nice a person as she has been for the last three months when tallking to Davina. It's possible then that the cynics have been wrong and she hasn't been delivering an Oscar winning performance - she really is kind and isn't pretending.

The order of merit for those who missed it:

1. Rachel, with just over 51% of the final vote.

2. Close second Mikey.

3. Sara.

4. Rex.

5. Darnell.

Big Brother: The last night

Mikey's the favourite to win tonight, but the betting hasn't always being good at forecasting what's going to happen this year. Sara was the easy favourite to go against Lisa, but the bookies must have missed the episode when Darnell and Rex became more versed in bullying and used her to practice on. To be fair, Mikey should win just for the footage of him eating the infamous Scotch Bonnet hottest chilli ever (so ring for him now).

The only downside to tonight's show, apart from the terrible idea of Rex winning and thinking he's popular, is listening to Davina Teflon McCall fawn over the rude housemates and bully the quieter ones. What's the betting she'll have a go at humiliating Rachel?

Big Brother: Kat and Mohamed Evicted

Last night's eviction has to have been one of the most traumatic ever, or funniest depending on who you like and don't like. Mohamed's departure could have been depicted without a crystal ball as his time came to an end, but Kat's was a shocker. The fact that she was next to go was made even worse because she was weeping and still hadn't recovered from Mo leaving.

There has been plenty of talk about Disney characters, what with Rachel's chilling love for all things Disney, and who would have thought Rex would have been so knowledgeable on this subject (as he knew who Belle was). This still didn't prepare us for the equivalent of Bambi's mother being shot, though, and I only hope Big Brother is willing to pay for counselling for the viewers who saw Kat in such distress.

Big Brother the Final Week

You can tell the pressure is increasing in the final week when Kat starts to look a bit moany and Rex seems to be funny. It's not just the housemates that are feeling it, it's us too and even Darnell gained some sympathy last night after Kat's mini-breakdown. I don't like to make light of her emotional upheaval, but she should try Oil of Evening Primrose Oil for times such as these; or, she could start caring less about her friend Darnell.

While we're on the subject, I don't blame Rachel for shielding her gaze when he decided to fake tan his bum (with Sara's help), and Rex should be less judgemental of her prudishness. I'm just surprised she could find a cushion big enough to preserve their modesty. 

Big Brother and the Cheerleaders

I didn't think it would be possible to witness a programme that reminds me of Grease and The Office at the same time, but yet again Big Brother has proven me wrong (unfortunately I still remember liking Luke when he first appeared, and cringe about thinking Darnell was insightful).

I'm referring to the cheerleading session led by Sara and the playlet they inflicted on us before the singing began. Rex and Darnell are the main criminals for inflicting this piece of embarrassment, but Sara and Mo went along with it and are just as accountable for their actions. While we're on the subject of cheerleading and embarrassing situations, how pleased did Kat look at the thought of supporting Lisa? And what about their reaction to Mikey's idea that they should say Sara has been evicted. But best of all was Darnell's original use of the pom pom - he's always been worried about how the public will react to him in the street, and I'm sorry to say Rex could be right in that this will never be forgotten.

Big Brother: Lisa has been evicted

Sally Morgan, psychic to the stars, should be hanging her head in shame after convincing us all that Lisa would win. Lisa's eviction was a close run thing though, according to Davina, as at one point it looked like it could be a draw between her and Sara. I've been reliably informed that it took just one vote, from a house in Lincolnshire, to tip the scales and allow Sara to stay in for one more week of harassment.

Aah, just one week left and then we'll all be free to watch other programmes apart from Big Brother, Big Brother Live, Big Brother's Big  Mouth, Big Brother's Little Brother etc. Apparently the Olympics has been and gone, but we've still got time to catch up with the fall out from the deaths of Jase and Wellard in Eastenders.

Big Brother: Lisa and Sara nominated

The other day on Big Brother's Big Mouth, Sally Morgan predicted Sara would be evicted this week. This was no great shakes perhaps as she was a definite one to be nominated given the current alliances, but watch out because Sally also reckons Lisa will win (and Nicole is the most likely to marry a celebrity - not Rex).

After the traumas of this past week it was good to see Lisa and Sara split £50,000, even if it means one of them is going on Friday after the public nomination process on last night's show. In fact, it was smiles all round as Rachel publicly voted for Rex, and who would have thought it, and Rex looked pleased despite this because the Las Vegas task undoubtedly brought back happy memories for him.

Big Brother Latest: Sara under the spotlight

Listening to Darnell and Rex talk about what it must feel like to be the winner of Big Brother, I couldn't help thinking (or should that be hoping?) that this is as close as they will get. I also couldn't help thinking thank God the show is nearly over as Sara became the latest one to be bullied into submission.

If a woman is too quiet in the house, she is accused of fence sitting. If she is too loud, she is told off for playing up to the cameras. If she flirts, she is a slut. It's not that I expected Rex and Darnell to have read The Second Sex or The Female Eunuch or 'Cosmopolitan' before coming on the show, but what about 'Take A Break'?. It's difficult to believe of such urbane characters, but it seems as though they hate women.

Big Brother: Lisa's Engaged

Mario's proposal to Lisa was typically flamboyant, and public, as he impersonated Bob Dylan to win his woman round. It wasn't entirely clear if she had accepted, but this didn't get in the way of true love. As the other housemates said, their gifts from Big Brother could never match what had happened to her. This could explain why Darnell had a tantrum and threw his MP3 player to the ground; jealousy is such a negative emotion, especially if he was wishing that Mario proposed to him instead of Lisa. This scenario is highly unlikely, but don't forget his many ups and downs since Mario left - including telling Rachel to shut the f**k up a few weeks ago.

Big Brother's Brother Rex

Rex, the most unlikely shop steward ever and one that could only be considered as brotherly in your wildest dreams, led his baaing housemates in a silent protest in last night's show. It was good to see Rachel stick up for herself (as when she called him 'blatantly rude' and controlling), but I doubt he values her opinion enough to consider she might be speaking sense. Elsewhere, Darnell plucked up the courage to tell Rex his problem with his leadership - after Mikey gave him a pep talk spiked with Rex hatred - and called him the puppet master. With these cracks showing, I still can't help wondering that the Ginger One will escape nomination this week because of misplaced loyalty and/or fear of  the breakdown of his fragile ego.

Big Brother: Duck Kat!

Kat was in the firing line of Darnell’s paranoia, Rex’s bullishness and Nicole’s misplaced sensitivity.  Darnell’s immature attitude to Kat ‘choosing’ to sit next to Sarah, once more showed just how easily twisting things to his own world view comes to him.  If all he says is true, it’s no wonder he has relationship issues.  Without meaning any offence to him, Darnell needs to learn that not everything in the world is black or white.

 

Mo’s jail sentence probably helped him have a calmer day – which he really needed.  Unless, of course, he took all of his frustration out on the tasty caterpillars, which were never seen again after he said he would be playing with them.  With Mo’s previous track record, playing with his food was not a great surprise.  Mmmm, more green slimy snacks.

 

So what was Rex thinking when he was so tenderly cradling Nicole’s abandoned clothes?

 

Will I get booed?

Will I have a girlfriend when I get out?

Will I have a chance of winning now I know that I’m connected to the most booed person?

How will I be perceived, having said that it was funny that Nicole got booed?

 

One thing’s for sure, as proven over and over again, there’s little chance he would be thinking ‘How does Nicole feel?’.

 

tellyjelly is probably missing Darnell’s philosophical musings about life, the universe and everything (well relationships and burgers anyway)

Big Brother: Nicole..Tata

94% of the public…yes 94% of them, that’s the proportion of the viewing population who would have voted to evict Davina’s weirdest outfit yet if they had got the chance.  I’m really not sure what look she was going for, but whatever it was it didn’t work – painting smock black maybe?

 

Oh and Nicole got evicted – what a surprise.  With the highest percentage of votes ever cast against a housemate (94%!) she will probably need to take heed of all of the motherly advice that Davina can give her, having told her over and over again that she had a lot to learn and that it was probably her behaviour towards Mikey which sealed her fate – behaviour which Nicole didn’t seem to even recognise.

 

As predicted, Mo continued his explosive descent and to consolidate the validity of his nickname, squirreled cider away, leading to the inevitable confrontation with Rex and Nicole.  In the midst of which, housemates didn’t even get to see the ecstatic Darnell’s hamburger greed, as also animal-like he scurried off to a den to sweet talk his prey into submission, relishing every passionate moment.

 

If the crowd’s reaction is anything to go by, man-hopping Sarah will probably be there in the final.  That won’t please Darnell and co., whose character assassinating discussion will be difficult for Sarah to watch when she comes out.  Her reaction to Darnell’s attitude to her seemed genuine, as did Darnell’s head in the sand approach to avoiding the real problem he has, dealing with his perceived rejection.

 

Questions Mario may ask Lisa on Sunday

How does the washing machine work?

Do you mind if I start dating Steph?

Using your amazing supernatural powers – what question am I going to ask you next?

Which is the most deadly - a bee, a wasp or a thermonuclear device?

What do you do with the 10% of your waking hours when you are not doing your make-up?

Tellyjelly’s cheers could be heard on the moon

 

 

Big Brother: Shocker!

A truly terrifying Big Brother episode last night, full of smiles and expressions of happiness – whilst Kat was almost at her lowest, having been jailed yet again for talking about nominations.

 

It seems that the Thriller task was a winner with the housemates, although for viewers it once again gave proof that this really is the Rex and Nicole show now – as the editing showed us very very little of Nicole’s backing dancers.  Yes I know, as one of the housemates said (probably Rex in defensive mode), the original video would have focused on Michael Jackson, but surely BB’s camera(presumably)men or editors could have shown us the out-of-time, unsynchronised, but effort-full moves of the others.

 

Although at times he is right to complain, Mo’s fuse is unfortunately now stuck at the length of an ant’s leg and with both Rex and Darnell able to light it with next to no effort or thought, it may be a tough run over the next week for Mo.

 

Further shocking revelations of course from Lisa, who thought she was so good at being a zombie that she may have been one in a past life – shouldn’t that be a past death Lisa?

 

Will it be bye bye Nicole on Friday?  That seems as certain as Rex not following her up the stairs.  I can’t help but wonder how much ground Rex would make up, with both Nicole and the public, if he did follow her out – now that would be shocking!

 

tellyjelly has probably voted the buttons bare

Big Brother: Dawn of the Dead

Awoken to the strains of Michael Jackson’s foray into the world of the horror, housemates proved a point which has been staring us all in the face for weeks – yes, they are zombies, under the demonic control of that evil necromancer Big Brother.  None more so than scary Lisa, whose uncanny undead dancing went perfectly with her blank stare and chilling laugh.  Thrilling!

 

As for the task, under the caring and thoughtful guidance of Rex it was a guaranteed success and with Mo, ‘the best dancer’ in the house, putting in so much effort, how could the lost souls possibly lose?  Of course, it’s not a problem if they do – zombies have no need of a luxury shopping budget, they only eat brains – ah that may be a problem, since there’s few of those evident in the house and the prize one has already been eaten.  On that matter, did they ever get the Wizard of Oz connection?

 

After the nominations were announced, can you imagine what Nicole and Rex would be like if they didn’t have the task to do and the effort of being insensitive to Mikey’s needs to keep them busy?

 

tellyjelly is getting some culture

Big Brother Nominations: Lisa, Nicole and Sara

The Cookie Love mafia keep their stranglehold on the final weeks secure with this round of nominations and it looks a cert that Nicole will be separated from Rex for at least a week. I thought she might have avoided eviction by virtue of being his Girlfriend - that is, that his pals would avoid voting for her - but good old Darnell, Rachel and Mo didn't let the country's population down. Speaking of Mo, can't help wondering what else he has in store for us after eating Mikey's bogie. Perhaps he's accepted a top secret mission to make us all vomit in unison.

Big Brother: Rex and Nicole again

We've all heard of the saying 'fiddling while Rome's burning' - well Rex has taken this to a new level: playing musical chairs while your beloved is crying in the diary room. Last night's show evoked many emotions including more sympathy for Nicole at the end when she couldn't find her ginger paramour. We should also remember that she doesn't have a game plan (for some reason this is seen as a good thing in BB circles) as despite having seen the show and knowing what the viewers think etc, she does and says what ever she feels like doing and saying. She refuses to be restricted by populist sentiment - or, she hasn't really got the hang of it. Saying all that, with a bit of luck she should be up for nomination and eviction this week.

Lisa's Tip of the Day: avoid touching velvet with wrinkly fingers. It feels horrible.

Big Brother's New Head of House: Rex

So Rex the Ginger One with Many Restaurants is the new head of house and is safe from nominations with his (very long) week of immunity - unless he breaks the rules and is deposed like poor Stuart. Is it possible that the viewers could be that lucky?

Nicole continues to be upset, bored, miserable and is often mean to the other housemates, and it turns out she is worried about being booed. I don't blame her really, but I think she should be more worried about her long term future and what the grandchildren might say about their stint on BB9 in 30 years time. Yes, I'm afraid it looks like these two will be together for ever, forever tormenting each other.

Eastenders: Farewell to Wellard

It's black armband time again now that Wellard has been sent to the big doggie heaven in the sky. Not since Batley came a cropper in Emmerdale have script writers tried to make so many so miserable for the sake of entertainment. Eastenders never is that funny, light, or enjoyable come to that, but last night's episode reached new heights in manipulating the viewers into shedding tears. If he hadn't been through enough being passed around like a parcel, and when he finally gets settled in a new home this has to happen ... 

Big Brother: Stuart Has Been Evicted

When Stuart left the house last night, with 59% of the vote, he proved to be more of a Tom Daley and even less of a Michael Phelps as he stage dived into the crowd. Unfortunately for him, the gathered masses were smart enough to move out of the way at the sight of a six foot something careering towards them. He looked a bit shook up when Davina retrieved him but tried to make out it didn't hurt too much, and I think he should be rewarded for this bravery by being sent immediately back in.

Big Brother and the Thirty Pieces of Cake

Mo has been trying to fight the 'Greedy Mo' tag given to him by Rex and some of the others, but it looks like it's going to be there for life now. This isn't because of how much he eats and drinks, which is probably the same as the others, but because of his reaction to Rachel's decision to award Hell the win over the cake-building task.

He let it slip that this was why some (including himself) may have nominated her and it just had to be one that involved food. If it had been constructing a monument out of matches, his reasoning might have been praised - but because it is cake, it looks like he's signed his way out for out next week.

Other news: Nicole was encouraging Rex to become the next Mario last night as she persuaded him to wear and use an exfoliating glove. I wonder if she has been misunderstanding what has been happening and doesn't realise that emulating Mario is probably a bad move considering he got evicted weeks ago.

Big Brother and Learning Something New Every Day

The detractors of Big Brother say it's rubbish, it's for voyeurs only, it's mind-numbing etc. All of these things may be true, but such Philistines don't realise how much we can learn from just one show.

Last night I learned the following in just one hour:

1. I should go to the gym more often as Kat is healthier than me.

2. Gold tracksuits can be quite fetching.

3. Michael Phelps will never be threatened by Stuart's pool prowess.

4. Nicole has started to resemble Margaret Thatcher.

5. Rex has issues with women, and most men.

6. Points 4 and 5 may be connected.

7. Mikey has spent the last two months with his fingers in his ears; he's getting his own back now with the help of the megaphone.

8. It must be difficult carrying a flag in the pouring rain.

9. Mohamed and Lisa like drinking cider.

10. Darnell isn't as perceptive as I thought he was - he didn't see Rachel would be up for eviction.

Big Brother Nominations: Rachel v Stuart

RACHEL AND STUART ARE UP FOR EVICTION, RACHEL AND STUART. Ok, I'll stop shouting now and try to think of pleasant things .... No, I still can't believe it. The ONLY good thing about this is that bad things come to those who wait, or something like that. And did you hear Rex's Girlfriend's reasons for her nominations?

On the lighter side, Mikey's reign of terror looks like it could send the most mild mannered of housemates into a frenzy of anger, so long may it continue. With that shaved head he really looks the part as well.

Big Brother's Mikey and the Order of the Clockwork Orange

As the new House President, Mikey is going above and beyond the requirements as he shouts at the others as well as throwing water at them. This is ok when it comes to Rex and his Girlfriend, but surely tired Mo doesn't deserve such punishment. Don't forget he had to traipse about in strappy sandals last week and is probably still recovering.

With the shaved head, Mikey is becoming a bit more intimidating still and I think Big Brother really should have let him be the hairdresser in last night's show instead of Lisa, in the name of equal opportunities. He would have sorted them out (for National Service).

Coronation Street: What has happened to Ken?

If the guy working down the chip shop really is Elvis, then I'm pretty sure Ernest Hemingway has been striding the cobbles of Weatherfield for the past week. Ken Barlow's sudden transition into the angst-ridden author has been a welcome if unlikely sight, particularly as Blanche gets even better lines than usual and he isn't just wiping tables as a foil for Roy.

It looks like this might be over now though as last night he realised his own mediocrity. There was no surer sign of this than when he put his whiskey in his pocket before he took Eccles for a walk. A man of his talents shouldn't have to stoop as low as Eccles, surely Schmeichel would have been more fitting.

Big Brother's Rachel

For several weeks, Rachel has been one of the whipping boys as the wannabe alpha males accused her of sitting on the fence. They also said she never expressed her opinions. If we remember, she has done this most notably when Dale and Stuart pushed her to say what she thought of them. She told the truth (that she thought they loved themselves too much) and this almost drove Stuart to tears.

Last night, she dared to let the crap cake win and again her opinion was seen as wrong a) because Rex is a chef and must be the winner b) because Hell's didn't look like the Dome, but probably tasted like it c) because she didn't say what the dominant ones wanted her to say. Like Saul on the road to Damascus, it seems she has seen the light with regard to Rex, though, as she later said he isn't that friendly really. Perhaps she can do the right thing again and put him and his Girlfriend up for nomination with the hope that even Nicole is more popular than he is.

Big Brother's Sara: Living the fairy tale

Although Stuart didn't realise, Sara was chatting him up again on last night's show and used the old but ineffective trick of pretending to be Little Red Riding Hood. Aw, Stu, what big arms you've got, what big hands ... Poor lovelorn Stuart, and he still thinks nobody cares.

Lisa goes from strength to strength, though, especially when she compared the eviction battle between Stuart and Dale to that between Will Young and Gareth Gates on the X-Factor. I don't know who would have been more insulted, but I'd take a guess at Gareth Gates. She is also adept (a.d.e.p.t. - not a.p.t.) at reading the crystal ball as was proven when she told Darnell why Sara was upside down when he looked in it.

Big Brother: Dale has been evicted

Dale's eviction wasn't that much of a shock and nor was his post-house interview with Davina. Surprise, surprise Jen was waiting for him in the wings and they were reunited - and no doubt they will be appearing together in and on every media outlet for the next week or so.

Meanwhile, Rex continues to show that money can't buy you everything. It might pay the bills and buy you a strange haircut, but what about charm, charisma and generosity of spirit? Rex's Girlfriend (Nicole) looked happy for the first time this week, though, when her suitcase arrived, but I have a sinking feeling that the smile will soon be erased when the heaven and hell divide is done away with.