tellyjelly

Coronation Street: 12 November 2009

Like Roy, I've also found it's best to confront known murderers directly. You have to let them know you know their secret, and then stand outside their window in the dark and the rain just to make sure they understand they have to go to the police with their terrible secret. Ok it's a bit of a gamble that they don't decide to carry on murdering, but that's the chance we have to take.

Who better than Roy though when it comes to embodying a conscience. He might not look or sound like Jiminy Cricket, and Tony Gordon is nothing like Pinocchio, but the Ray Mears of the cobbles is proving he is as heroic as ever.

Eastenders: 5 November 2009

It was just one of those days for leaving things lying around yesterday. Peggy left her accounts in Ian Beale's cafe and this was careless and implausible enough for the drained viewers. When we found out that Jane had also left her secret adoption papers on the table for all to read, and this includes neighbours who wander in for the purposes of the plot, this was a careless step too far.

7 Days on the Breadline: 3 November 2009

For some, just getting by is a struggle, and then Mel B comes round to help you out. The main problem if you end up with her rather than, I don't know, any of the other celebrities on the programme, is that she thinks belonging to a gym actually does improve your quality of life. Whereas most people think of a gym visit as a punishment, and this includes most people who live outside of the rich areas of Los Angeles, she insisted on seeing her offer of free membership as a reward. Along with her taste in tracksuits and her belief that people who live on council estates are a charitable concern, I would whole heartedly oppose any application she makes to be a social worker.

Eastenders: 3 November 2009

Just before the theme tune woke some of us out of our cosy but partial comas, we find out from Janine and Archie that whipping boy, who is also known as Billy Mitchell, is going to get the blame for torching the Vic. Between you, me, and other law-abiding citizens, I think this means they are going to set him up and blame him for a forthcoming arson attack on the local public house. Something like that anyway. I was hoping that for once Billy might have some pleasure in his life, particularly after his blind date of sorts with Jean. But no, that would be too much like allowing Billy and the viewers to be happy.

Eastenders: 23 October 2009

OMG, I can't believe it's not butter, you have got to be joking, and hahahahahaha, all passed through my mind on Friday as at longlong last the identity of the father of Heather's baby, George, was revealed to the nation. For those who missed it, prepare yourself and assume the brace position.

It's Darren. That's right, Darren who goes out with Libby and must be about 18 by now but looks a lot younger. This is the person who we, the viewing public, are expected to believe Heather turned to in her hour of need. This is also the entrepreneur who is only impeded from taking over the world because he has to finish his paper round in time for tea.

The point of suspense is that when the mystery is revealed we can feel some sense of relief and/or satisfaction at the resolution. The revelation that Darren is the father makes me think he was chosen by someone who doesn't actually watch the programme, or perhaps his name was picked out of hat in order to keep the storyline as random as possible.

Eastenders: 22 October 2009

Aah those tricky writers at Eastenders almost had us fooled. Where we thought they were being silly with some of the more unlikely plots, such as Heather musing over the identity of the father of her baby, they were actually writing the script according to how Heather would do it. Yes, ingeniously they decided to have a script based on the imaginings of an imaginary character - or, they have completely gone off the rails and just aren't writing very convincing stories or dialogue. I can't decide which but I think Heather would believe the first argument. 

Elsewhere, Ronnie Mitchell started eyeing up the local hunk, Owen. Yes, he's the one who has just got out of prison for trying to murder his daughter. In other news, Jack was blackmailed by Phil and then humiliated, and it looks like Jack might plot to get his own back in the next week or so as is stated in the soap rules book. 

Coronation Street: 19 October 2009

There were plenty of surprises in last night's Coronation Street with the main one being that there's no restraining order on Joe to stop him from going into the medical centre. Oh yes, Rosie lost what was left of her money to Luke, so he could go dancing, and Carla turned up at Liam's grave but this was to be expected given that her return had been advertised every night for at least two weeks. One question, though: isn't Liam's grave in a different place, or even a different graveyard, since Maria last visited it?

Coronation Street: 12 October 2009

There's nothing worse than a woman scorned, apart that is from Swine Flu and keeping the catching of it a secret. So, when Liz reacted badly to finding out about Lloyd's new lady friend, Teresa, her nastiness was in keeping with her usual characterisation. But why has everyone else turned against Teresa, including Uncle Uhmed and St Clurr of the Taxi Rank? Ok, she's no saint and did try to poison her ex, Jerry, that time, but Lloyd could hardly be accused of lowering himself as the passers by have claimed. 

Eastenders: 8 October 2009

Call me psychic, but I've a funny feeling Eastenders is going to put us through the wringer and back again now Stacey is about to be sectioned and Ronnie has discovered Joel has had the snip. I say 'put us through the wringer and back again' but it does this most of the time anyway. It'll be more like 'put us through an enforced torture session' and masochists that we are we'll no doubt carry on watching.

As upsetting as it is to watch someone have a breakdown, it is still preferable to sitting through Lucas's tedious yet apparently impossible attempts to hide Trina's bracelet. Yes, this is still proving to be a problem for him as he obviously doesn't know of concepts such as bins or drains. His inability to dispose of it may be read as a sign of his guilt, and that he unconsciously wants to be discovered. On the other hand, it could be crap writing that expects viewers to be enthralled by the rising tension of whether he will get away with murder or not. 

Jonathan Meades: Off Kilter September 2009

Perhaps one day Jonathan Meades will be unleashed on the general public, and not just the ones that watch BBC4, and all will glow in the light he gives off. I'd like to be the first, and probably last, to suggest he is made the fifth judge on Strictly Come Dancing. In the unlikely event this were to happen, more than five people at a time would be dazzled by his word play and even more might laugh at his witticisms.

The mini-series of three episodes of Off Kilter had us following him round Scotland and listening to his views on everything - from the horrors of village life to why football lets us be hateful - and it should be repeated immediately on BBC1 or 2 at a sane hour.

Come Dine With Me: 27 September 2009

The adverts were so long for one of the Come Dine With Me slots that I had time to go to the toilet at Paul's house.

Fortunately I still had time to get back home to watch one of the most competitive and unfriendliest episodes in recent history - apart from the one where that woman had to re-mark as she had been giving the others 0 or 1. Stewart won but, one may ask, was this a pyrrhic victory as he didn't exactly cover himself in glory in front of millions. On the other hand, he did come away a grand richer. 

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Eastenders: 21 September 2009

Is that the scraping of the bottom of the barrel I can hear, yet again (for the loyal readers), or simply my ears refusing to take in the latest drivel as Eastenders takes a turn for the worse (yes honestly) and uses the format of Wife Swap for one of its storylines. Lo and behold, in this new configuration of Ian/Tanya and Jane/Max, Ian is a slave driver and Jane thinks every man over the age of 18, and in an 18 mile radius, fancies her. So much for that storyline then.

Later on, Peggy brought the Miss Queen Vic proceedings to an abrupt halt as she entered dramatically with the bailed out Sam. Thanks to Archie's generous offer of cash in exchange for a room at the inn Sam is now free to er see her family and er argue with people. Thousands appear to have been lavished on this dream of bringing her home for just a few months, but no one seemed that bothered about her spending years abroad in Brazil or noticed how her face and personality have totally changed since we last saw her.  

The Last Nazis: 19 September 2009

Last night's second of three episodes looked promising as a tv crew chased around trying to interview the eponymous last surviving Nazis. It might have looked promising, but I doubt viewers expected so many references on the part of the interviewer on how he is the same age these Nazis were when they committed their crimes and then went on to muse on what they must have been thinking to behave as they did. Some might call this naivety, which the interviewer did occasionally, but others might believe such thoughts could have been left on the cutting room floor as they only served to highlight his ignorance.  

Coronation Street: 18 September 2009

Lloyd, Steve and Claire turned into the Railway Children and no they didn't stop a train and avert a terrible accident, but they did take all their old tat round to Eileen's house after a burglary left her bereft of electrical appliances. Because she is similar to Bernard Cribbins, she too turned stroppy when the so-called gifts were revealed, but because this is Coronation Street (and televisions have now been invented) their actual present of the flat screen tv was accepted warmly.

Meanwhile Jack was having his send-off in the Rovers and it really is strange that they had to have drinks at 12.30 on the dot when he is only moving to a new house in the same town. Really, they could have delayed the small party until after Molly's fake yoga class - some people, honestly.  

Coronation Street: 11 September 2009

While this week's Eastenders starred an unhappy looking Sam Mitchell, and an even more distressed Lucas who couldn't decide where to hide Trina's much loved bracelet (a bin perhaps?), Coronation Street  blew it out of the water with Simon, Blanche and the dead rabbit, Leanne. From Simon receiving the news of his bereavement on Thursday to the funeral in Sally's garden on Friday, all three were on form. 

The only good part of Eastenders this week was seeing the flies gather in Charlie's summer house. For those sensible enough not to watch this, these are used to show how Trina is mouldering dead after being the first person ever to die by rake - she landed on it after an altercation with her ex Lucas and the prongs stabbed her in the neck. Ok, if that's what they want to us to believe, we'll go along with that, but don't push us too far with the story of Lucas not knowing where to dispose of the bracelet ... that's just making us look stupid for watching ...

Big Brother: The Final, 4 September 2009

After weeks and weeks and weeks, the winner was declared and this means we all get our lives back - not just the contestants. Sophie won the £70,000 or so (give or take the odd £20), with Siavash in second, Dave third, Charlie fourth and most surprisingly Rodrigo in fifth. I suppose between now and I'm A Celebrity starting back up I could take up a new hobby, or just sit staring at the telly till it magically appears.

Big Brother: Eviction, 1 September 2009

Lisa was evicted last night and this means there is now nobody in the house, except Dave, who knows where 'Nanoo Nanoo' comes from. It has also been a shock to realise lately that Siavash has been seeing Lisa as a mother figure, as she is around the same age as his mum. Surely this can't be right - he is at least 35 on a good day, and that mankini cum leotard he has been sporting has aged him another ten years.

Anyway, there are now five left for the final and everyone who is anyone is saying how wide open the field is this year. That may be, but if Charlie wins I will definitely claim back the Kenneth money that Channel Four owe me. His practical jokes just aren't doing it for me.

Big Brother: Nominations, 31 August 2009

It's the final sprint of the last week and all the housemates are up for eviction tonight (Tuesday 1 September). The clever money is on Dave or Lisa to go, especially after yesterday's show when both refused to join the other housemates in giving nominations a miss. Dave's reasoning was also suspect: when he obeyed the BB rule of nominating he used the argument that he never does what other people tell him to do. 

Eastenders: 25 August 2009

Only seconds after Gary punched Phil, and after the credits started rolling, we find out that Gary (or rather the guy who plays him) is going to be in this year's Strictly Come Dancing. So the question is, does Gary leave the soap the usual way, in a taxi, or, more likely considering he has just hit Phil, in an ambulance? I hope it is the former as actors from Eastenders don't tend to last long when it comes to Strictly  - remember Phil Daniels, Gillian Taylforth and probably lots more - and will need to be back by October at the latest.

The One Show: 18 August 2009

Over the past few weeks there has been a mini-furore over the sacking of Arlene Philips as a judge on Strictly Come Dancing. Media types have been arguing that we are often allowed to see older male presenters with younger female presenters but the converse is hardly ever shown (older female/younger male). So, imagine my surprise last night on flicking over to The One Show when Emmerdale was getting a bit boring and seeing Gloria Hunniford sat alongside Gethin Jones. The surprise wasn't that Emmerdale was getting a bit boring, nor was it that Adrian Chiles has gone on holiday. The shocker was that Gloria is older than Gethin, and I'm absolutely outraged that this has been aired on tv especially as it was pre-watershed.

Outraged of Tunbridge Wells

Big Brother: Nominations, 19 August 2009

This week's nominations could be the ones you have been waiting for ... not quite all your life, perhaps, it just feels like it. In alphabetical order, you can choose from Bea, David or Marcus and I'm guessing the price for Bea being evicted - at the bookies, that is - isn't worth taking. At least she'll get the chance to talk to her mum soon.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 14 August 2009

In last night's Big Brother Freddie was shown the door by the undeserving public (undeserving now he's back in our good books) and Bea has at least a week left to feel smug about the way she has treated him. After that, she might regret ever having entered the house because it looks and sounds as though there aren't many on her side. 

Big Brother: Nominations, 11 August 2009

Freddie and Marcus have been nominated for eviction this week and Bea would be counting her lucky stars if she thought her great escape had anything to do with luck. As entertaining as Marcus has been, here's hoping Freddie survives as he has gone from hero to zero to hero again in this past two weeks and his new found distance from Bea has proven to be his saving grace.

Coronation Street: 10 Aug 2009

Poor old Junkie Joe. If his life wasn't hard enough living with David, living with Gail, and always being on the verge of bankruptcy, he's now addicted to painkillers. Cynics may say that this addiction came about extraordinarily quickly, as one minute he had a bad back and seemingly only seconds later David was extorting favours in return for the odd tablet. This should be a lesson to us all, though, that is if we live our lives according to a soap opera, and so remember to never succumb to blackmail from David and take the doctor's advice rather than smash his alarm system with a sledge hammer.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 7 August 2009

Of all the nights, and of all the possible evictees (meaning all the housemates), Hira was given the boot. The great swindler that is the company that owns Big Brother decided to make us all pay through the nose to get a fair result, and Hira came a cropper because of this. Making us vote to save rather than evict is yet another sign of the cynicism of Endemol - and at least we know for sure, if we were ever in doubt, the viewers are held in as much contempt as the contestants.

Big Brother: 6 Aug 2009

A week's a long time in politics and in the Big Brother house it's a lifetime. Aah, remember the halcyon days when we felt sorry for Freddie and were charmed by his eccentricities. Over this past week, though, he's been referred to as Halfwit in the Tellyjelly house as the viewers have had to witness him swapping roles and his zero to hero status with Lisa. It wasn't a pretty sight watching him (as she says) laugh in her face and we can't help wondering if this will tell in the eviction process tonight.   

Big Brother: Nominations, 4 Aug 2009

The producers of Big Brother seem to be intent on running it into the ground this year. The first week was ruined when they made the housemates earn their status. They then brought in two supposed boyfriends of two largely unpopular housemates, and thought we'd interested. To top it all, they have just put everybody up for eviction because Siavash and Marcus have been deemed to have broken the rules. Well, just putting the housemates up for eviction wouldn't have been too bad, as we could still vote to evict the one on the hitlist this week (Bea perhaps?) but instead the viewers have to vote, and spend more money, to save their favourites.

Big Brother: Eviction, 31 July 2009

It's perhaps no surprise that Noirin was asked to leave. It was more of a shocker that the 'love of her life', Daddy Isaac, followed her out not long after and was last seen on Big Brother's Big Mouth being what we already know is his usual affable self.

Big Brother: Isaac and Noirin

I'm not sure why the producers think we want to see the partners (or former partners) of not very popular housemates this year, but enough already and stop doing it, now. Even worse for loyal viewers, Isaac seems to be cut from the same cloth as Kenny as both are publicity hungry, aggressive, and both have made it clear that they want to stay in longer than the 'girlfriend' they have come in to see.

The strangest part of all this is how badly the two men have played the game. (Well, the strangest part is Isaac calling himself 'Daddy', but this is perhaps best forgotten). Considering he, like Kenny, has had the advantage of seeing who is popular with the public and should have a vast wealth of insider knowledge (such as who has voted for who), he just came storming in and insisted on making an immediately bad impression with those inside and outside the house. It is as though his earlier appearance on a reality show in Australia, with Noirin, has given him too much unwarranted confidence. Despite their experience in that world of reality, my crystal ball tells me that he and Noirin won't be in the final. 

Big Brother: Nominations, 28 July 2009

This week Noirin and Marcus are the only two up for nomination and I think I'll put my 50p on Marcus staying. This is Noirin's second foray into reality tv, having appeared on a show in Australia with her now ex-boyfriend, so I'm sure she'll be able to handle being evicted first.

Big Brother: Kenny, 23 July 2009

Last night, we saw Kenny cry his last crocodile tear, put on  his python shoes and scale the wall to oblivion. These reptilian/amphibian references keeping popping up in relation to him, and I can only hope he redeems himself in the outside world by doing many years of charity work in order to earn some good karma.

Eastenders: 21 July 2009

As loyal Tellyjelly readers will know, I'm not one to criticise Eastenders, well not all the time, but it is as though I can't help myself. Drawn like a moth to a flame or a lemming to a cliff, or Phil to drink, I obviously cannot resist this programme. Because of this weird fatal attraction, the negative appraisal just keeps on spewing out.

Last night is a case in point. Whitney has just found out that her feckless mother has another child, so she (Whitney) has a long-lost half-brother and this is the same guy who saved the square's children from being blown up in the cafe. It is also the same guy who has allegedly stabbed and killed a man and mommie dearest is holding the knife to blackmail him. Now Whitney has the knife and she's refusing to give it back to him too. This story doesn't make sense, is uninteresting and I can only hope this is all an excuse for him to go on a rampage then we can have a cull of the more annoying characters. 

Big Brother: Nominations, 21 July 2009

It doesn't take Sally Morgan or even Mystic Meg to work out who is going on Friday. Eleven of the housemates are up for nomination, which is everybody except Lisa and Roderigo. This means Kenny is one of those up for eviction and, therefore, he will be evicted on Friday and will even beat Rex's girlfriend in the unpopularity stakes. Who needs a crystal ball?

Big Brother: Inspector Siavash, 19 July 2009

Now that Siavash is the self-appointed Miss Marple of the house, let's hope he doesn't have to solve any other crimes more significant than who stole Lisa's missing can of lager. He just isn't that good at detective work, really, but is good value though when he points the finger of justice with certainty, like when he accused Tom of stealing Lisa's drink or told Noirin how the others are calling her a rabbit, and five minutes later says he thinks this is true (rather than knows). In his defence, you could say he is more of a postmodern detective who deals in possibilities and uncertainties, rather than being a run of the mill one who only cares about facts. He does also seem to believe what he is saying at the time, even if it is strange and wrong and embarrassing for the person he is shoving into the limelight. Here's hoping he gets to the final at least.

In other news, Karly's boyfriend (for the moment, anyway) revealed to Lisa and the nation that his white shoes are made of python and cost £3,000. It doesn't take a detective, or Siavash, to work out that as soon as he is up for eviction he will be joining Karly in the outside world again.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 17 July 2009

As one door closes, another one opens, or something like that anyway. Yes, Karly was evicted from the BB house last night, and this came just minutes after her millionaire boyfriend, Kenny, was introduced as one of the new housemates. I wonder if he'll feel obliged to be great pals with Lisa, in honour of Karly, or if he'll get as much distance as possible from her. All in all there are five newbies and they have to convince the old housemates to nominate Noirin and Freddie this week, without mentioning nominations, or they will be up for eviction instead.

Big Brother: Nominations, 13 July 2009

Siavash and Dog-face have pretty much nominated themselves - by talking about nominations - but, perhaps more interestingly, well maybe, Karly and Noirin have been nominated to stand alongside them. If I was a betting man, I would say it is likely that Noirin gets her marching her orders this week but you never know as Karly is doing herself no favours by continuing to replace Kris with the bad-vibe factor. 

Coronation Street: 10 July 2009

If I could be bothered, I would be making a call to Ofcom right now. I can't be the only one, surely, who thinks a warning should have been given before last night's Coronation Street to let us know when to leave the room before Molly and Kevin got it together. This was truly unsettling and I wonder how the national grid coped with the sudden burst of electric being used as people turned kettles on rather than watch this budding love story unfold. This just isn't right and could only be stranger if Sally and Tyrone suddenly took a liking to each other - no, no, no.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 10 July 2009

Friends in the house looked stunned after the latest evictee name, Kris, was called out and so the story continues. The viewing public get their revenge on the one who has cast himself as 'most popular' of 2009 and he will probably get a good magazine deal telling of his romance. Everyone's a winner, maybe. 

Eastenders: 7 July 2009

Have the scriptwriters taken entire leave of their senses with the Heather-being-pregnant storyline? Her pregnancy as such is of interest, don't get me wrong (and don't then start comparing me unfavourably with Shirley),  but why oh why oh why oh why does it have to be such a negative, miserable experience for her and us? Last night's punchline cum cliffhanger tells it all: Shirley suggested she thinks about having it adopted, and said this immediately after Heather had been waxing lyrical about baby clothes and cots.

On the other side of the square, Phil has been having an affair with Dawn, which is unlikely enough, and on being discovered by Minty Dawn has left to look after her migraine-suffering mother and much put upon Gary believes her. Mm. It may be paranoia, but I can't help thinking these stories are designed to send me screaming to the hills.

Big Brother: Nominations 7 July 2009

Sooo - Charlie, Dogface, Freddie, Marcus and, drum roll please, Kris are all up for eviction this week. The number to call is 09016 16 16 07. You have to trust me on this so don't bother checking - just call. I'll give you one more clue: this vote is for all those who just aren't that keen on practical jokers.

Coronation Street: 6 July 2009

There are still some certainties in life, like death, taxes and knowing not to eat your tea when Casualty is on. The fourth has to be if you cross David Platt you will be hounded out of the street (into prison or hospital - but only if you are a fictional character in Coronation Street). So it's in keeping that he has already lost his cool as well as the plot with Jason who is now in a relationship with Tina, the love of David's life. Even better than seeing him throwing extremely expensive taps in retaliation (worth £60 a go), though, is Gail and her unswerving love for this little prince. Ahh - this could go on and on until he has her dead upstairs on a rocking chair, and he opens a motel, and wears her clothes, and kills someone in a shower.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 3rd July 2009

Freddie survived another eviction night, leaving Sree to face the strange set-up that is called the interview with Davina (and guests). Here's hoping Lisa is the next one to face Freddie in the vote-off because he is undoubtedly going to be nominated yet again.

Eastenders: 30 June 2009

Last night, Manda and Heather duked it out over the karaoke as they competed for Minty's affections. Yes, you heard right, Minty. You'd have thought topping this flight of fancy would have been difficult, but no, the scriptwriters can always go further than you might expect. This came when Manda showed how much better she was than Heather by performing a faultless rendition of Wham Rap, whereas Heather's was only ok (I think that was the point anyway). This makes the plots in Grange Hill or even Rainbow look as complex and interesting as The Sopranos and yet I'm still watching it in the hope things will improve. The only way round this problem is to do the following: if I stop paying my licence fee, get arrested, and get put in a prison where there are not tellies, there is a good chance I might be able to avoid it.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 26 June 2009

If there really is such a thing as evolution and natural selection, how come practical jokers are still wandering the earth, inflicting their own specialized brand of sadistic humour while simultaneously bellowing 'can't you take a joke?'? Speaking of which, Kris and Charlie continue to avoid extinction and carry on appealing to hopefully only the lowest common denominators as they ply their trade in humiliating others - Let this be a lesson to all of us. The next time someone screeches 'can't you take a joke?', the appropriate response is to say 'no' and then report them to the police for a made-up crime. Let's see how good their sense of humour is then.

Meanwhile, Angel has been evicted and will hopefully get some kind of karmic revenge for the maltreatment she had in the house and in the interview/Big Mouth experience with Davina.

Emmerdale: 25 June 2009

Andy has been collecting bottles and bottles of tomato ketchup and has been daydreaming in between his shopping stints. Seriously, though, it makes a welcome change to have a portrayal of a breakdown that does not involve the histrionics that are usually seen on tv - he just keeps saying how busy he is, then he is next seen laid on the floor staring at the ceiling. 

The Wilde family look set to carry on annoying us for at least a little longer as the bigamy secret has finally been revealed. This storyline is ok up to a point, but why does the wealthy son/sons in any Emmerdale family, in this case Nathan, have to always be so corrupt and sleazy?

Coronation Street: 22 June 2009

At last it has been said aloud - that Auntie Pam looks a little like Cherie Blair, or as Bill said 'a bargain basement Cherie Blair'.

Now that's out of the way, let's consider the implications of Fiz's forthcoming engagement and marriage to John Stape. He might be an adulterer, kidnapper and current resident of Strangeways, but apart from that she seems to think he's quite a catch especially after he was put on suicide watch. Mmm, and what about her prison protest (and me thinks she did protest too much) where she tricked the governor and a prison warden into thinking she had swallowed the key after chaining herself to a railing. I bet they think Paul Daniels really is magic.   

Big Brother: Eviction, 19 June 2009

Cairon has been evicted and Freddie (or Halfwit) has been saved again. This programme just isn't doing it for me this year, but I'm still glad Freddie is still in - even if he should probably go for the good of his health (he has aged in the past week) and happiness.

Eastenders: 19 June 2009

Aah - back in England after 7 days away and how glorious it is to watch Eastenders again and to find that everyone is as miserable as ever, Chelsea has disappeared for some reason or other, and Stacey has gone blonde with two months worth of black roots. I'm sure the past events will be easy to piece together, especially after I've watched the Sunday omnibus programme, but till then I'll be intrigued as to why Stacey has a bruise/lesion on her face (has she taken up glue sniffing I wonder?) and can only presume the mystery about Chelsea involves a dire beauty therapy emergency outside the confines of Albert Square.

Big Brother: 9 June 2009

Not many of us knew before last night's show how influential the German language has been on the development of English over the centuries. Even fewer of us would have known that this is because of the Nazis. Karly's grasp of history and linguistics was shown to be tenuous to say the least as she explained to a puzzled Roderigo that this is why sentences in English and German are so similar, and she meant it. I bet her history teacher is so proud. 

As for Freddie, I think he should leave now, take Angel with him, and head for freedom while he can and leave the likes of Charlie and Kris to be the favourites of those who voted for Ulrika a few months ago.

Coronation Street: 8 June 2009

Poppy's recent vendetta against Hot Pot Bettie was mismatched from the start. She only had to watch Coronation Street like the rest of us to find out that as long as those hot pots keep selling like hot cakes, Betty is going nowhere.

Meanwhile, Bill showed inspiration when he asked Auntie Pam to play the Pot Black theme on the piano, rather than Brahms or Liszt, and Peter told everyone how I am an Alcoholic (him not me). Overall, and measure for measure, Sean had the best lines of the night, though, and yes his nails did look good in the Weatherfield Gazette photo.