tellyjelly

Ashes to Ashes: Final Episode, 21 May 2010

With no warning, Friday became postmodern night, what with David Platt (of Coronation Street of course) questioning the nature of truth and reality and thinking creating a new witness for his mother will get her off the hook of murder. It was also as old-fashioned as ever as the supremacy of dastardly Tracey Barlow looks set to be overturned as the new improved David aims to fight these forces of evil.

All of this, coincidentally, looks like it was meant to be a prelude to the last episode of Ashes to Ashes. We all already knew that Gene - not Mike - Hunt was the Gary Cooper of 1970s and 1980s cop shows, but who'd have thought he was as good as that. For those of us who watched the show, I hope you've stopped crying now for those who haven't I don't want to spoil it - so watch it asap.

Emmerdale: 19 May 2010

Farmer of the Year and all round good, some might say smug, guy, John Barton, has been caught out kissing the blonde one from Hearsay in his car. By the way, she's playing the part of Edna Birch's grandaughter and we have been led to believe she is a lot younger than John, but I'm not so sure.

He was unlucky enough to have been spotted by Cain, and Cain then went on to blackmail him long enough to finally collect the money off him for the repairs he did to his land rover. To my mind, Cain shows what a decent character he is by only doing this to get what he thought was legally his. He has since told Moira, wife of aforementioned John, about the car shenanigans. In doing so, even an amateur like me knows he has cut off all future supplies of extortion money, and thus demonstrated his generosity of spirit.

Eastenders: 6 May 2010

Just when things were going badly for Billy (Mitchell rather than Jackson), they got even worse. Whereas we thought he was going to get arrested for attempting to sell a bumper pack of oregano that he liberated from Masood's postal van, instead, it turns out, lo and behold, the police stopped him in the street in the middle of the night to let him know his ex-father-in-law and ex-wife have been in a terrible car accident. Within the hour, he was handing his kids over to Phil Mitchell, supposedly because he thinks he makes better father material than him and thus proved that he was.

Eastenders: 30 April 2010

Move Over Darling was the theme tune for last night's show, as Peggy and Pat both gave a rendition to signify their love for Harvey. For those not in the know, Harvey is the low-rent Eastenders' equivalent of Lewis in Coronation Street. For those still not in the know, he is two-timing Peggy and Pat and we should be amused because this is a farcical situation and he is played by Martin 'rings on his fingers' Jarvis. If you are full of wisdom and still not in the know, you are only missing out on embarrassment and self-loathing for watching this in the first place. Stick to reading or listening to the radio instead until he disappears.

Coronation Street: 30 April 2010

Mary's ability to recall facts increases the closer she gets to Norris - and only the queen of the quiz Mary, and Magnus Magnusson's close family, could have known Magnus Magnusson's potted biography. She started reciting such random details last night as she plotted for Norris to stay in their isolated cottage and even bellowed at him when he attempted to check for a way to make the Beast (her mobile home) work again.

You might think he'd be flattered by this much attention, but it turns out he's terrified and, to misquote, he'd rather let an army of zombies in his bedroom than her. This is why he moved the dresser in front of his door, but I have a feeling this won't do any good. It's time to prepare to be hobbled.

Coronation Street: 26 April 2010

I wonder if Norris being busy rearranging his Nuts is the modern day equivalent of fiddling while Rome burns. Anyway, he surprised us all by putting them aside to go to Haworth with Mary. He only went reluctantly, though, and it looks like he won't be moved from his prize-winning holiday-let arm chair for one any time soon. Rumours have it that there is going to be a Corrie re-enactment of Misery soon, starring Mary and Norris, but we'll have to wait and see if she manages to get him in a bedroom.

Norris might have left the street for only a short while, but Gary Windass has returned and confided in David about his AWOL status. This is as unlikely as Audrey falling for her gigolo or as unrealistic as the new Nick Tilsey having women compliment him on his hair do, and we can't help thinking some blackmail might be coming to Gary any day now.

Coronation Street: 19 April 2010

Molly decides to undo her seatbelt only seconds before the car crash and we can only assume she did this because she was full from the pub carvery. If only Tyrone hadn't decided to be less boring and so took her there for a meal instead of straight to Diggory's, Kevin would have caught them up and she wouldn't have been so full that she took complete leave of her senses. Take note viewers, carveries have their dangers and in their own innocuous way, so we are led to believe, they are even worse than drink driving.

Life of Riley: Series Two

Hahahahahahahhaha thud, I don't think.

Coach Trip: 14 April 2010

The walking contradictions in terms, the posh punks (and by the way they're neither), have left the trip after only one yellow card and cited personal reasons for going - rather than the probable truth that they don't want to wait for the red card.

The very young boys, Nathan and Rom, are miraculously still free to wander Europe, but surely they must be the next to go home or at least the most likely to be arrested - hopefully in a country where the laws are tough and the prisons are tougher.

Eastenders: 13 April 2010

It could be that Fat Boy has been deliberately talking in riddles to make sure the older generations of the viewing population think they are getting Alzheimers - OR - it could be the writers are carrying on with their desperate bid to capture the yoof vote even though this is now getting embarrassing.

Echoes of old stories are reverberating elsewhere as when Phil bought Ben football boots. It seems as soon as summer appears near the horizon poor old Ben is sent off to football camp or made to kick a ball about in the Square. This storyline is about as subtle as Lucy's 'secret' message to Amira - the one that  says Syed loves Christian, and which is now painted on their bedroom wall.

Eastenders: 9 April 2010

Here's hoping that Billie's dream comes true and he gets posted to Afghanistan, and between now and the time to leave he makes friends with the new Mitchell rogue - Danny Archie - and takes him with him. Danny's scheming is child's play, no, really it is, and as he pits sister against sister, on the orders of his mother, we have to sit and watch another supposed criminal mastermind trick his way into owning the Queen Vic. I suppose I could stop watching the programme, but that would only mean he'd won, I think.

Coronation Street: 9 April 2010

Ken and Deirdre's anniversary party wouldn't have been the same without a full-blown argument so that's probably why it was Leanne's turn to have a public apoplectic fit. It did feel a little forced as her evidence for Peter's imagined adultery was mainly based on a dislike of black-haired gang leader, Michelle. This is the given reason why she tried to throw a drink over her but we still don't know why she did so in the style of garden water sprinkler. Taking Leanne's side momentarily, though, it was at the very least unlikely that Peter took his ex Michelle along to help him choose an engagement ring.

Eastenders: 2 April 2010

Jack's really down on his luck at the moment. On Thursday he was shot in the ear, but has so far miraculously survived, and now Chelsea has promised to be by his side until he wakes up from his coma. Billy Jackson and his gang are to blame for this untimely earache (the bullet, not Chelsea) and while we're on the subject, you can always tell when it's a gang-related shooting by the way the perp holds the gun sideways innit.

Enough of the street talk, though, as the Mitchells continue to dominate the storylines on the anniversary of Danielle's death. It was no surprise to find out last night that the long lost Mitchell brother, Danny, is yet another one who is still being controlled by his mother. I presume we'll have months of him manipulating the dozy sisters and Auntie Peg while he siphons money into his Swiss bank account. By the end he'll have control of the Queen Vic and they'll be begging for the scraps off his plate. Yeah yeah.

Coronation Street: 19 March 2010

I'm with Hayley on the 'is Kelly Crabtree the best machinist debate, yes or no?'. Who's to say who the best one is and I'm pretty sure this is no defence for industrial espionage anyway. She may be moving on to better and more glorious things, but this doesn't mean she can brag willynilly about being the best when frankly this is almost impossible to judge.

Coronation Street: 12 March 2010

First it was Tootsie, then Simon, now I've lost my remote control. At least the little women are all back at the ranch so perhaps they can find it. Meanwhile the men are pioneering around Blackpool on the hunt for Simon, but not Tootsie, and no doubt they will find him, and George will give up the custody battle, and all will be well on Weatherfield until Peter has another drink.

Eastenders: 11 March 2010

Who could've known that the role of a florist is a cross between that of a priest and a doctor, and with a need for an expert knowledge of flowers thrown in. As we found out when Libby and Patrick tried to trick their way past the assistant in the only all-night florist in the world, the laws of confidentiality mean she could have been arrested if she'd told them who had been in her shop. As a fan of Jean's (Stacey's mum who works on the flower stall in the market, keep up), I think someone should tell her about this law as I'm pretty sure she'd blab to anyone about who's been buying lilies from her.

It was also a night of stolen DVDs as Libby and Patrick liberated the footage from the flower shop, which showed that Lucas rather than Owen had been there - da da daaaa - and worse than this Ian stole the DVD of Marie giving birth. Seeing as she is his silent assistant in his cafe I doubt she'll say anything, but I'm sure she'll give a big shrug of her shoulders when she finds out about the theft.

Famous, Rich and Jobless: 9 March 2010 BBC1

Strictly speaking, none of the celebrities were jobless of course, seeing as they were working on the show to portray how devastating unemployment is for more ordinary people, but I thought I would give it a go anyway. And if you're also concerned about how Meg Matthews (just a minute, did she used to have blonde hair around the time she married into the Gallagher dynasty?) and Camilla Parker Bowles' niece are getting on in the real world, you should tune in too. Larry Lamb looks set to be the Austin Mitchell of this tribe as he fails to grasp the earnest social experiment and instead does his own thing, but it is strange to see some of them crumble after a few days of knockbacks and only £40 to spend. So if you get your kicks from watching celebs being as distressed as everyone else, even though they know they are going home soon, tune in for part two (on 10 March 2010).

Eastenders: 2 March 2010

At the end of last night's show, Billy looked in his wardrobe and saw a pile of letters and one of these had money sticking out of it. We are now being led to believe either a) Billy has been stealing from Masood's post bag or b) somebody else has and they have left the evidence and displayed some of the ill-gotten money to a) make it look like it was Billy or b) to either a) confuse or b) annoy the viewers. Even if the thief is Billy, why would he go out with his new paramour and leave a fan of tenners for us all to see? Apart from being a creaky old plot device, this isn't even sophisticated enough for a show like Murphy's Mob let alone Eastenders.

Mischief - Who Made Me Fat?: 1st March BBC1

The presenter, Rebecca Wilcox, interviewed a number of people as she followed up the idea that food companies are persuading us all to eat unhealthily in order to make them more money. Some might think this subject doesn't need a programme dedicated to it, that is until you hear about the Sugar Bureau and how they question whether the consumption of sugar is bad for us. Well they would say that I suppose.

She also interviewed svelte-like Rod Liddell, and we learned that his advice for helping people to lose weight is to shame them into it. Physician heal thy self?, or it take's one to know one, either way he really shouldn't be throwing stones.

Eastenders: 25 Feb 2010

Oh Sugar Sugar. No more digging up bones for you, now you've gone for your eternal swim in the canal. I wonder if this is the same one where Dirty Den was killed for the first time; if so watch out for Sugar making a comeback, and then see her being put down for a second time courtesy of a human-shaped doorstop.

Elsewhere, Jean and Rebecca pooled their resources to find Stacey and perhaps unsurprisingly they failed.

Coronation Street: 22 Feb 2010

I was only thinking the other day that there aren't enough scenes of dead bodies being viewed in soaps. You can imagine how delighted I was last night then that two soaps had this in their storlines: Eastenders had Bradley lying in state, and dead as a drowned man Joe was the one in Coronation Street. He'd been in the water for ages though so unfortunately we didn't get the chance to see him. Hearing Tina and Gail scream in anguish made up for this omission so there was still plenty of misery for us to wallow in. Thank God for Tower Block of Commons for giving us a laugh, and yes Austin you are supposed to be a socialist.

Eastenders Live: 19 Feb 2010, Who Killed Archie?

At last the moment most of us have been waiting for. The big, drawn out reveal, you know, the one where you have to wait for the last minute to find out who killed Archie .... annoying having to wait isn't it? Okay, the suspense is killing me - yes, it was .... Stacey ....

And Bradley either fell or jumped off the roof of the Queen Vic for no other reason than to boost the ratings and to give the poor viewers yet another breakdown. This is far worse than your everyday manipulation. Bradley's death, like Danielle's, is one more cynical decision that cheapens Eastenders.

Eastenders: 15 Feb 2010

Sonia's behaviour is that mysterious it has gone beyond the logical or realistic. At the end of last night's show she topped her often bizarre past storylines when she was glimpsed waiting for Phil in his bed. One mention of Jamie was apparently enough to seduce her and the viewers were as puzzled as him as to were this latest farce was heading.

As strange as she is being, nothing beats or explains the sudden fashion for black woollen gloves in Albert Square and the surrounding streets. Everywhere else in England people like to vary their handwear, and in some places the odd mitten has been spotted, but here the black woollen variety is the norm even for the likes of Peggy and Ronnie (who would surely wear faux leopard spots or possibly sheepskin). I can't see it catching on, though, and I predict once Friday is out the way, and Archie's killer is revealed, this new trend will soon be forgotten.

Eastenders: 8 Feb 2010

Staging Bianca's hen night meant most of the women in the square could be crammed into one room and then hilarity would follow because of the grudges most of them hold against each other. That was the idea anyway. Things took an even greater turn for the worse for us poor viewers though when brother Billy took it upon himself to hire an amateur stripper to entertain Bianca. That's right, he hired a complete stranger, who he noticed had no money, and thought it would be right and proper to hire him to strip for his sister. 

These eastenders really know how to enjoy themselves, but for all that I bet it was more fun and less cringe making than the dinner party round at Austin Mitchell's hired flat in Tower Block of Commons.

Coronation Street: 4 Feb 2010

It looks like curly top Simon will be whisked away any day now seeing as Peter has started drinking again - and not a day too soon. After all, what sort of soap would this be without an hopeless addict to give us misery and pain as he refuses to learn his lessons. Meanwhile, Simon will be esconced in Oak Hill, that demon-maker of a school, and Grandad George will turn him against Grandad Ken for good. Happy days.

Tower Block of Commons: 1 February 2010

So Austin Mitchell, Labour MP for Great Grimsby for 30 odd years, thought the 'drug problem' was exaggerated and had no idea of the extent of it until making this film. If he'd bothered to stay in Grimsby he might have found the same problems there but strangely he was sent to Hull's Orchard Park, where the residents must have thought this is the last of many last straws. What a shame it takes a camera crew and the promise of more air time before this and the other participating MPs bother to show interest in the world around them.

Celebrity Big Brother: The Final, 29 Jan 2010

So this year's winner is, ..., Alex Reid. Once known as a cage-fighter and sometimes erstwhile partner of Katie Price, he has been reincarnated as the winner of the last Celebrity Big Brother and as an all-round good guy. All he needs now is a manager who will look after his interests rather than everybody else's.

Celebrity Big Brother: Wed 27 Jan 2010

Ivana was out first in the semi-final, and after her came Nicola T. There was then a sigh of relief all round when Davina presented herself as the mystery guest dressed as Nicola - we were only relieved it wasn't Jordan.

It was strange how Davina managed to achieve her self-professed ambition of entering the house with apparently no pleasure whatsoever. Not long after she went in, disguised as a chicken, she proceeded to run away from the remaining housemates and appeared to be scared VJ was going to pull her head off. Don't know where she got that idea from.

Celebrity Big Brother: 22 Jan 2010

Last night Stephen Baldwin and then Sisqo were evicted, and so Ivana beat them hands down - but did she Trump them? Who knows, you decide.

Celebrity Big Brother:18 Jan 2010

What an eventful night. Lady Sov was evicted and the live speed nominating round has thrown up the American surprise of Cisqo, Stephen Baldwin and Ivana Trump. Since the Big Brother peoples have now taken all my money, having tried to vote Lady Sov out, I doubt I will be getting into debt for this crew. I'll just have to trust to God to make the right decision.

Celebrity Big Brother: 17 Jan 2010

I thought Kevin the Teenager went past his sell by date about 10 years ago, but no, he's in the BB house waiting to be evicted on tonight's (18 Jan) show. Yes of course I'm joking and really mean Lady Sov. Putting hilarity aside for the moment, she's getting on the nation's collective nerves so much I bet Channel Four are thinking of keeping Big Brother on for next year because of the money made in eviction phone calls.

Celebrity Big Brother: Eviction Night, 15 Jan 2010

The first to be evicted from this year's show is Kat, of the Rolling Stones ex-girlfriend fame, and Heidi Fleiss, Madame to the stars. It was a surprise for anyone who watches the show that Lady Sov stayed in while Heidi was sent packing by the voters, but there never is any accounting for other people's taste or humour.

Last night's episode also featured cage fighting Alex being mentally pummelled by born-again Stephen Baldwin. Viewers can only hope that Alex, who appears to be extremely impressionable, won't be commandeered into a cult when he leaves, as Svengalis around the world will be queuing up to get him to join them.

Eastenders: 14 and 15 Jan 2010

What a shame the ditzy blonde solicitor lost the papers to Archie's will in the sudden gust of wind. If this hadn't happened, we would have been able to find out who the main beneficiary was on Thursday rather than Friday.Instead, we had to wait - to hear Roxie is the new owner of the Queen Vic and, unlikely as it sounds, is now 3 million better off. Meanwhile, Janine has nothing but an office toy to keep her amused and turns to blackmailing Ian once again to supplement her income. This is her version of signing on after all.

Coronation Street: 8 Jan 2009

If ever a man should have asked for a receipt after handing over £4,000 to a loan shark, Joe was that man. Don't forget he has already given his van to him without signing any forms, and now this situation has arisen where the nasty man carries on stalking him even though he has paid up.

As sympathetic as we are to anyone with financial problems, especially in the current snowy climate, you can't help hoping Joe either sorts this out or gets sorted out for good. For the last time, enough already of the loan shark story - we now appreciate we should never borrow from such men and have learned Joe's lesson even if he hasn't.

Eastenders: 7 January 2009

The entrance of a new character in last night's show really was a show stopper. Nobody seemed to recognize her, which was strange as she was the mother of two of them (Roxie and Ronnie) and sister-in-law of the third (Peggy). For a moment, confused viewers thought they were watching Acorn Antiques in Albert Square but then the theme tune started and we were brought back to our dulled senses.

While we're on the subject, of complaining about Eastenders, I would like to make a heartfelt plea to the producers and the BBC in general. Please, please, please, never make us watch people playing strip Twister again. It went off the embarrassment scale into the 'let's blow the telly up rather than watch this' territory.

Any Weather News: Dec 2009 - Jan 2010

I think by now everyone in Britain must know why we are having a cold snap - There is a block of high pressure that is stopping or diverting the usually milder weather from the west. This is also allowing in the freezing air from Russia. This means it has been freezing cold. We get it. Please stop telling us about it now and move on to something else on the news, specially extended bulletins, This Morning and any other daytime show.

Celebrity Big Brother: Day One, 3 Jan 2010

I can't help thinking this year's show is going to end up being yet another reality show vehicle for the Jordan/Price empire. Two of her ex-partners are on this year and this is only days after we were reliably informed, by the News of the World, that they had a set-to at Jordan's New Year's Eve party. Really? They both denied it, because it wasn't true, but shame on BB producers for thinking these would be interesting housemates.

Eastenders: 25 and 26 December 2009

So Archie is no more, deceased, killed by the bust of Queen Victoria and whoever was wielding it. This tops the death by doggie doorstop by a country mile - that is, when Dirty Den was whacked (with one).

The main suspects for Archie's murder cover just about anyone old and/or strong enough to pick the Queen Vic up and aim it at the back of his head. The sensible money should go on someone who has already taken a life, such as Phil or Janine or Pat Butcher, but Pat was out of the country and it would be a bit samey if Phil or Janine did it. The preferred choice at the moment (here at Tellyjelly headquarters) is Ian Beale, but this is only because he always seems to deserve to go to prison even if it is just because of the facial hair he has decided to grow.

Eastenders: 17 December 2009

It's good to see our patron saint Harry Hill has got some work at this expensive time of year. It might not be everybody's idea of entertainment, but a certain amount of skill is involved in fire eating so thanks for that Harry especially as it was the Christmas party for the old folks. Silly Aunt Sall was tricked into believing it was a special birthday party for her, even though Roxie and Ronnie were dressed as Father Christmas. But that's how silly she is, you see.

British Comedy Awards 2009

There was more than a whiff of jealousy floating about here and this included Armando Iannucci doing himself no favours by only appearing to be lighthearted about having to wait for 20 years for this award and then moving quickly on to have a bitchy dig about Michael McIntyre.

To prove how subjective comedy is, they even let Frankie Boyle out for the night and gave him the chance to make yet another joke he'll come to regret telling in a few years time - you know, when he's grown up a bit more and realises using rape as subject matter just isn't funny (even though sidekicks like Dara O'Briain tell him he's a great laugh).

Eastenders: 8 December 2009

When the BBC announcers introduce a programme, such as last night's Eastenders, I wish they would remember that some of us have our tea at that time and warn us about anything that might make us regret eating, ever. Specifically, I am referring to the love rhombus made up of Janine, Archie, Ian and Ryan - can't we just move on from this strange need-they-all-have-to-take-over-the-Vic-at-all-costs storyline and check up on Jim and Dot instead. Or follow Jean around for a bit, or see what Christian is up to. No. We are instead forced to sit through the quadrangle of doom.

Coronation Street: 7 December 2009

As sure as eggs is eggs, little Simon'g going to be in the middle of a tug of war anytime soon and you can bet any money that when Grandad George wins, temporarily, he'll let him watch as much wide screen tv as he wants. This is only opinion not fact, but let's face it, Simon's new-found materialistic streak is being written into the storyline for a reason. It's not that long ago he was just pleased about being rescued from a fire, now he wants the latest computer games too.

Elsewhere in the land of cobbles, Becky and Claire are going to put on a panto and John Stape will be directing it. The venue is the Rovers and the date is yet to be arranged but it's supposed to be before Christmas. Be there or be square - ooh, and will Grandad George play the part of wicked stepmother? 

I'm A Celebrity: Winner of 2009

The new king of the jungle is chef Gino D'Acampo and this should be no surprise whatsoever if you've been watching this year. His runner-up and potential double-act partner was Kim Woodburn, and Jimmy White came third.

Eastenders: 30 November 2009

Eastenders has had strange, confusing storylines in the past, and I don't think any of us have recovered yet from the mystery as to why the writers thought it would be good to have Danielle run over. Then there was the decision to have Darren named as baby George Michael's father (George Michael Trott, not the singer). The latest is a corker though - last night Bianca said that Ian was her uncle. The branches in the Eastenders' family trees may be twisted and overlap now and again, but surely Bianca is not and never has been a Beale. I can only think that because sister Sonia married Martin Fowler, she meant to say that Ian was her cousin-in-law. If you think you know the truth behind this - if he is her uncle her not - put your answers on the back of postcard please.

Eastenders: 26 November 2009

Ah a good old Eastenders wedding and it just wouldn't have been the same if we hadn't had the obligatory violence. This time, Lucas came up trumps so to speak and poor old Owen is now trussed up like a Xmas turkey and wrapped up in a carpet in Phil's old boot. There's nothing like extreme violence to remind us of the forthcoming festive season, so thanks for that. On a brighter note, it looks like Sugar the dog will be the one to find the corpse, but this is only as long as she isn't put to sleep first for biting Ricky.

Eastenders: 24 November 2009

Lucky Denise - she's marrying Lucas and Owen is going to (or at least try to) be her knight in shining armour and try to put a stop to it. This is all getting rather complicated for the moralistic viewer such as myself because Lucas is such a bad choice he makes Owen look like quite a catch. And yes, this is Owen who tried to kill his daughter.

Elsewhere, Dr Al proves he is the catch everyone suspected him to be in that he had two women apparently desperate for his, ahem, bedside manner. Yes, last night's cringe-making oops matron scene where Chelsea and Roxie vied for his affections was straight out of the rubbish 1970s doctor comedies that we used to hate 30 years ago.

I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here: 23 November 2009

At last the Jordan/Katie Price show is over and the programme can begin. No offence meant, but most of would prefer to watch people who are on the show for the first time. Without looking at the bookie's ranking, the front-runner at the moment has to be George Hamilton. You know, the one with the elastoplast on his arm and for health reasons can't do any of the trials. 

Coronation Street: 16 to 20 November 2009

Looking for the pipistrelle in November might be an unlikely reason for most people (especially non-swimmers) to sit by the canal, in the dark, after going to the police to report a murderer, but thankfully Royston Cropper isn't most people. His tussle with Tony Gordon also reminds us that his heroic status is duly deserved. The bats played their part, though, and they and Roy finally got their revenge on Tony from yonks ago when he had Jason smoke them out of his building works.   

Emmerdale: 12 November 2009

Sally Spode, the single white female who knows how to write church letters, really doesn't like Laurel. If she's not trying to steal Ashley and the kids' affections, she's trying to set fire to her at the first opportunity. Last week, she fiddled while Laurel burned at bonfire night and last night poor old Laurel ended up stuck in the church again. By the way, didn't she get locked in there when she was pregnant too? Anyway, that time, if it did happen, she didn't have to contend with a portable heater being pushed up against a curtain too. Dastardly Sally knows how bad Laurel is at spotting she is on fire, as evidenced on bonfire night, and used this knowledge for her own evil purposes.

Eastenders: 12 November 2009

So Max is coping with the credit crunch by pulling insurance scams, but he's still reluctant to hand over a big wodge of money to the Tree for Trina campaign. The bill for this tree is apparently hundreds, which leads us at Tellyjelly headquarters to question how Abbie came up with this figure. Come to that, why hasn't anyone asked her how she knows so much about memorial trees.

Let's put this implausible storyline aside for a moment to consider the main one last night: that Ian thinks Tanya has been flirting with him. It was strange I suppose, for Ian and the viewers, that she gave him a make-over at her home rather than in the spacious and usually empty salon, but really, the actor who plays Ian deserves some credit for enduring this nonsense for so long. Give him a break writers - let him be nice, even and considerate for a full episode.