tellyjelly

Big Brother: Isaac and Noirin

I'm not sure why the producers think we want to see the partners (or former partners) of not very popular housemates this year, but enough already and stop doing it, now. Even worse for loyal viewers, Isaac seems to be cut from the same cloth as Kenny as both are publicity hungry, aggressive, and both have made it clear that they want to stay in longer than the 'girlfriend' they have come in to see.

The strangest part of all this is how badly the two men have played the game. (Well, the strangest part is Isaac calling himself 'Daddy', but this is perhaps best forgotten). Considering he, like Kenny, has had the advantage of seeing who is popular with the public and should have a vast wealth of insider knowledge (such as who has voted for who), he just came storming in and insisted on making an immediately bad impression with those inside and outside the house. It is as though his earlier appearance on a reality show in Australia, with Noirin, has given him too much unwarranted confidence. Despite their experience in that world of reality, my crystal ball tells me that he and Noirin won't be in the final. 

Big Brother: Nominations, 28 July 2009

This week Noirin and Marcus are the only two up for nomination and I think I'll put my 50p on Marcus staying. This is Noirin's second foray into reality tv, having appeared on a show in Australia with her now ex-boyfriend, so I'm sure she'll be able to handle being evicted first.

Big Brother: Kenny, 23 July 2009

Last night, we saw Kenny cry his last crocodile tear, put on  his python shoes and scale the wall to oblivion. These reptilian/amphibian references keeping popping up in relation to him, and I can only hope he redeems himself in the outside world by doing many years of charity work in order to earn some good karma.

Eastenders: 21 July 2009

As loyal Tellyjelly readers will know, I'm not one to criticise Eastenders, well not all the time, but it is as though I can't help myself. Drawn like a moth to a flame or a lemming to a cliff, or Phil to drink, I obviously cannot resist this programme. Because of this weird fatal attraction, the negative appraisal just keeps on spewing out.

Last night is a case in point. Whitney has just found out that her feckless mother has another child, so she (Whitney) has a long-lost half-brother and this is the same guy who saved the square's children from being blown up in the cafe. It is also the same guy who has allegedly stabbed and killed a man and mommie dearest is holding the knife to blackmail him. Now Whitney has the knife and she's refusing to give it back to him too. This story doesn't make sense, is uninteresting and I can only hope this is all an excuse for him to go on a rampage then we can have a cull of the more annoying characters. 

Big Brother: Nominations, 21 July 2009

It doesn't take Sally Morgan or even Mystic Meg to work out who is going on Friday. Eleven of the housemates are up for nomination, which is everybody except Lisa and Roderigo. This means Kenny is one of those up for eviction and, therefore, he will be evicted on Friday and will even beat Rex's girlfriend in the unpopularity stakes. Who needs a crystal ball?

Big Brother: Inspector Siavash, 19 July 2009

Now that Siavash is the self-appointed Miss Marple of the house, let's hope he doesn't have to solve any other crimes more significant than who stole Lisa's missing can of lager. He just isn't that good at detective work, really, but is good value though when he points the finger of justice with certainty, like when he accused Tom of stealing Lisa's drink or told Noirin how the others are calling her a rabbit, and five minutes later says he thinks this is true (rather than knows). In his defence, you could say he is more of a postmodern detective who deals in possibilities and uncertainties, rather than being a run of the mill one who only cares about facts. He does also seem to believe what he is saying at the time, even if it is strange and wrong and embarrassing for the person he is shoving into the limelight. Here's hoping he gets to the final at least.

In other news, Karly's boyfriend (for the moment, anyway) revealed to Lisa and the nation that his white shoes are made of python and cost £3,000. It doesn't take a detective, or Siavash, to work out that as soon as he is up for eviction he will be joining Karly in the outside world again.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 17 July 2009

As one door closes, another one opens, or something like that anyway. Yes, Karly was evicted from the BB house last night, and this came just minutes after her millionaire boyfriend, Kenny, was introduced as one of the new housemates. I wonder if he'll feel obliged to be great pals with Lisa, in honour of Karly, or if he'll get as much distance as possible from her. All in all there are five newbies and they have to convince the old housemates to nominate Noirin and Freddie this week, without mentioning nominations, or they will be up for eviction instead.

Big Brother: Nominations, 13 July 2009

Siavash and Dog-face have pretty much nominated themselves - by talking about nominations - but, perhaps more interestingly, well maybe, Karly and Noirin have been nominated to stand alongside them. If I was a betting man, I would say it is likely that Noirin gets her marching her orders this week but you never know as Karly is doing herself no favours by continuing to replace Kris with the bad-vibe factor. 

Coronation Street: 10 July 2009

If I could be bothered, I would be making a call to Ofcom right now. I can't be the only one, surely, who thinks a warning should have been given before last night's Coronation Street to let us know when to leave the room before Molly and Kevin got it together. This was truly unsettling and I wonder how the national grid coped with the sudden burst of electric being used as people turned kettles on rather than watch this budding love story unfold. This just isn't right and could only be stranger if Sally and Tyrone suddenly took a liking to each other - no, no, no.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 10 July 2009

Friends in the house looked stunned after the latest evictee name, Kris, was called out and so the story continues. The viewing public get their revenge on the one who has cast himself as 'most popular' of 2009 and he will probably get a good magazine deal telling of his romance. Everyone's a winner, maybe. 

Eastenders: 7 July 2009

Have the scriptwriters taken entire leave of their senses with the Heather-being-pregnant storyline? Her pregnancy as such is of interest, don't get me wrong (and don't then start comparing me unfavourably with Shirley),  but why oh why oh why oh why does it have to be such a negative, miserable experience for her and us? Last night's punchline cum cliffhanger tells it all: Shirley suggested she thinks about having it adopted, and said this immediately after Heather had been waxing lyrical about baby clothes and cots.

On the other side of the square, Phil has been having an affair with Dawn, which is unlikely enough, and on being discovered by Minty Dawn has left to look after her migraine-suffering mother and much put upon Gary believes her. Mm. It may be paranoia, but I can't help thinking these stories are designed to send me screaming to the hills.

Big Brother: Nominations 7 July 2009

Sooo - Charlie, Dogface, Freddie, Marcus and, drum roll please, Kris are all up for eviction this week. The number to call is 09016 16 16 07. You have to trust me on this so don't bother checking - just call. I'll give you one more clue: this vote is for all those who just aren't that keen on practical jokers.

Coronation Street: 6 July 2009

There are still some certainties in life, like death, taxes and knowing not to eat your tea when Casualty is on. The fourth has to be if you cross David Platt you will be hounded out of the street (into prison or hospital - but only if you are a fictional character in Coronation Street). So it's in keeping that he has already lost his cool as well as the plot with Jason who is now in a relationship with Tina, the love of David's life. Even better than seeing him throwing extremely expensive taps in retaliation (worth £60 a go), though, is Gail and her unswerving love for this little prince. Ahh - this could go on and on until he has her dead upstairs on a rocking chair, and he opens a motel, and wears her clothes, and kills someone in a shower.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 3rd July 2009

Freddie survived another eviction night, leaving Sree to face the strange set-up that is called the interview with Davina (and guests). Here's hoping Lisa is the next one to face Freddie in the vote-off because he is undoubtedly going to be nominated yet again.

Eastenders: 30 June 2009

Last night, Manda and Heather duked it out over the karaoke as they competed for Minty's affections. Yes, you heard right, Minty. You'd have thought topping this flight of fancy would have been difficult, but no, the scriptwriters can always go further than you might expect. This came when Manda showed how much better she was than Heather by performing a faultless rendition of Wham Rap, whereas Heather's was only ok (I think that was the point anyway). This makes the plots in Grange Hill or even Rainbow look as complex and interesting as The Sopranos and yet I'm still watching it in the hope things will improve. The only way round this problem is to do the following: if I stop paying my licence fee, get arrested, and get put in a prison where there are not tellies, there is a good chance I might be able to avoid it.