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Eastenders: Farewell to Wellard

It's black armband time again now that Wellard has been sent to the big doggie heaven in the sky. Not since Batley came a cropper in Emmerdale have script writers tried to make so many so miserable for the sake of entertainment. Eastenders never is that funny, light, or enjoyable come to that, but last night's episode reached new heights in manipulating the viewers into shedding tears. If he hadn't been through enough being passed around like a parcel, and when he finally gets settled in a new home this has to happen ... 

Big Brother: Stuart Has Been Evicted

When Stuart left the house last night, with 59% of the vote, he proved to be more of a Tom Daley and even less of a Michael Phelps as he stage dived into the crowd. Unfortunately for him, the gathered masses were smart enough to move out of the way at the sight of a six foot something careering towards them. He looked a bit shook up when Davina retrieved him but tried to make out it didn't hurt too much, and I think he should be rewarded for this bravery by being sent immediately back in.

Big Brother and the Thirty Pieces of Cake

Mo has been trying to fight the 'Greedy Mo' tag given to him by Rex and some of the others, but it looks like it's going to be there for life now. This isn't because of how much he eats and drinks, which is probably the same as the others, but because of his reaction to Rachel's decision to award Hell the win over the cake-building task.

He let it slip that this was why some (including himself) may have nominated her and it just had to be one that involved food. If it had been constructing a monument out of matches, his reasoning might have been praised - but because it is cake, it looks like he's signed his way out for out next week.

Other news: Nicole was encouraging Rex to become the next Mario last night as she persuaded him to wear and use an exfoliating glove. I wonder if she has been misunderstanding what has been happening and doesn't realise that emulating Mario is probably a bad move considering he got evicted weeks ago.

Big Brother and Learning Something New Every Day

The detractors of Big Brother say it's rubbish, it's for voyeurs only, it's mind-numbing etc. All of these things may be true, but such Philistines don't realise how much we can learn from just one show.

Last night I learned the following in just one hour:

1. I should go to the gym more often as Kat is healthier than me.

2. Gold tracksuits can be quite fetching.

3. Michael Phelps will never be threatened by Stuart's pool prowess.

4. Nicole has started to resemble Margaret Thatcher.

5. Rex has issues with women, and most men.

6. Points 4 and 5 may be connected.

7. Mikey has spent the last two months with his fingers in his ears; he's getting his own back now with the help of the megaphone.

8. It must be difficult carrying a flag in the pouring rain.

9. Mohamed and Lisa like drinking cider.

10. Darnell isn't as perceptive as I thought he was - he didn't see Rachel would be up for eviction.

Big Brother Nominations: Rachel v Stuart

RACHEL AND STUART ARE UP FOR EVICTION, RACHEL AND STUART. Ok, I'll stop shouting now and try to think of pleasant things .... No, I still can't believe it. The ONLY good thing about this is that bad things come to those who wait, or something like that. And did you hear Rex's Girlfriend's reasons for her nominations?

On the lighter side, Mikey's reign of terror looks like it could send the most mild mannered of housemates into a frenzy of anger, so long may it continue. With that shaved head he really looks the part as well.

Big Brother's Mikey and the Order of the Clockwork Orange

As the new House President, Mikey is going above and beyond the requirements as he shouts at the others as well as throwing water at them. This is ok when it comes to Rex and his Girlfriend, but surely tired Mo doesn't deserve such punishment. Don't forget he had to traipse about in strappy sandals last week and is probably still recovering.

With the shaved head, Mikey is becoming a bit more intimidating still and I think Big Brother really should have let him be the hairdresser in last night's show instead of Lisa, in the name of equal opportunities. He would have sorted them out (for National Service).

Coronation Street: What has happened to Ken?

If the guy working down the chip shop really is Elvis, then I'm pretty sure Ernest Hemingway has been striding the cobbles of Weatherfield for the past week. Ken Barlow's sudden transition into the angst-ridden author has been a welcome if unlikely sight, particularly as Blanche gets even better lines than usual and he isn't just wiping tables as a foil for Roy.

It looks like this might be over now though as last night he realised his own mediocrity. There was no surer sign of this than when he put his whiskey in his pocket before he took Eccles for a walk. A man of his talents shouldn't have to stoop as low as Eccles, surely Schmeichel would have been more fitting.

Big Brother's Rachel

For several weeks, Rachel has been one of the whipping boys as the wannabe alpha males accused her of sitting on the fence. They also said she never expressed her opinions. If we remember, she has done this most notably when Dale and Stuart pushed her to say what she thought of them. She told the truth (that she thought they loved themselves too much) and this almost drove Stuart to tears.

Last night, she dared to let the crap cake win and again her opinion was seen as wrong a) because Rex is a chef and must be the winner b) because Hell's didn't look like the Dome, but probably tasted like it c) because she didn't say what the dominant ones wanted her to say. Like Saul on the road to Damascus, it seems she has seen the light with regard to Rex, though, as she later said he isn't that friendly really. Perhaps she can do the right thing again and put him and his Girlfriend up for nomination with the hope that even Nicole is more popular than he is.