At Home

Stay here for the latest reviews of what is and isn't hot on television. Soaps feature strongly, in accordance with the rules set down for addicts to t.v., and the only reality accepted is that which is edited for the viewers - except for anything with Simon Cowell's fingerprints attached - so Big Brother we are watching you. I also promise to celebrate the goodness of Roy Cropper and the badness of Alan Sugar sorry Sir Alan.

Too often, reviewers tend to criticise telly as though they despise the medium they are paid to watch. Sometimes, it seems that they haven't even watched the programme they are discussing. Apart from Teenage Kicks, which is only bearable in five minute segments, the programmes looked at here have been given the full attention they deserve.      

                                   

Comments

[brian]

Your jokes get worse!

[brian]

So-called "celeb's" on CBB

Who is "Sov", Why did Stephanie Beechman lower herself, what was Davina wearing, and will I be watching for the next 26 days ...? NO!

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

We've had to endure Dancing On Ice and now Dancing On Wheels. What's next? Dancing On The Grave Of British Television?

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

BBC3 - Snog,Marry.Avoid. Is that a TV programme or a long term relationship?

[brian caine]

Resurrection Man Channel 4 Sunday 8pm

I like George Clark, I like programmes about people buying old buildings and doing them up, I like seeing George Clark in tight t-shirts. What I don't like are those stupid Monty Python-esque cartoons that keep popping up every time George wants to share his knowledge with us about history etc. Get rid of them!

[brian]

Van Gogh - Easter Monday BBC1

I just wanted to say I saw this wonderful programme with a very dear friend, a box of cream cakes and some cheese puffs and have never enjoyed an evening like it in a long time.

The programme makers did a wondeful job of bringing the story of this wonderful man to life through his and his family and friends' letters.

The paintings were beautiful.

Keep it up BBC!

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

I watched I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, sorry, I mean The First Election Debate and thought I'd switched on The Last Of The Summer Wine. Brown in a suit still looked scruffy enough to be Compo, Clegg was - er - Clegg and Cameron was as foggy as he always is. If people are shallow enough to switch their vote to the Lib Dems on the basis that he can remember the names of the people in the audience we might as well scrap our so called democracy now.

[brian]

Have I Got News For You

My friend Vince and I were watching last night and thought it was the best show ever! Although, Vince did have some nasty comments abouot the future Lord Prescott and his inability to read the autocue ...

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

Lord Prescott of Sutton may not be blessed in the communications skills department (just think of the people who are/were: Ronald Reagan, Tony Blair, Simon Cowell), but he gave as good as he got. He treated Ian Hislop in the same way as he treated William Hague at Deputy Prime Minister's Questions. Hague got the upper hand with carefully prepared quips only for Prescott to wipe the floor with him as the debate went on, and substance and thinking on your feet became more important. Hislop's attacks were mainly based on past indiscretions of Prescott's (this is a topical news panel show, Mr Hislop). Until he ups his game, Hislop should be known as a "satirist".

[your boy from de hood]

Now look 'ere telleeejeleee - my name aint Fats cos I'm fat - I aint getting yo darn on purpose - I means how'd you want everyone to call you Arfur, when 'fats' is much more wickeder -

[brian]

Come on Tellyjelly - let's have your views on BB11 - the nation is waiting for you to lead us!

[brian]

Eastenders Thursday 9th September

OMG! The fire!

How come Peggy's wig did not catch fire? All that nylon and hairspray!

[ihearditthroughthetimvine]

Is it true that Keith Chegwin has been taking on the head of the catholic church at various games, such as swingball, connect 4, croquet, arm wrestling etc for an upcoming tv series Cheggers Plays Pope?

[tellyjelly]

No, sorry. That's a great idea though.

[brian]

The Wedding House Channel 4 Tuesday 19th October 8pm

I really love this programme!

Four couples have their wedding fantasies come true. Last night, one couple had a Dirty Dancing themed wedding, another had a Gothic style wedding and a third had a Regency style civil partnership.

I suggested to a very dear friend thet we get married with a Wizard of Oz theme. She said no as she didn't want to be dressed as a Flying Monkey!

[ihearditthroughthetimvine]

I've just heard that Jakki Brambles is to present Countryfile.
Who picked her?

[brian]

Hi Tellyjelly!

Is there any chance of getting a Tellyjelly badge or t-shirt?

My friends and I would be proud to wear a badge that promotes our favourite blog!

Brian xx

[Tellyjelly]

Dear Brian
A Tellyjelly badge will be winging its way to you - any month now.
Tellyjelly

[brian]

R.I.P. My Beloved Constant Companion.

It is with a heavy heart that I inform all TellyJelly readers of my great sorrow. After 30 years my portable black and white TV has finally given up the ghost.

We shared so much over the last 30 years, Eldorado, Brookside, Deirdre's perm ...

Friends say I should move on and buy a new 48in colour, but it's too soon, too soon.

I have arranged a fitting funeral service, I shall send my beloved out on a raft with burning copies of "Whats on TV" and watch it float away - a bit like what the vikings did.

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

Bri, please accept my deep and sincere condolences at your tragic loss.

I'm sure that the Tellyjelly fans will rally round and keep you informed of the comings and goings of Ena Sharples and Albert Tatlock and who the guests are on Billy Cotton's Bandshow.

[brian]

Mrs Browns Boys BBC 1, Monday Nights 10.40pm

I love this programme - the jokes may be as old as the hills and you can see them coming for miles, but it's great! And the outtakes are left in.

On this week's show, a camera man was seen - clearly by accident and Mrs Brown just said "Oh look, the guy who came to video the wedding is here!"

Classic!

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

That hole in my life has been filled at last. A new series of Life Of Riley!!
There is the old mother discussing her sex life with cringing daughter routine.
There is the lending a car to the bad driving teenage daughter routine
Surely they won't do the middle aged daughter - aging mother role reversal "you can't go out looking like that" routine? DOH!

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

TJ where are you?

[Tellyjelly]

Not sure, but it's dark and very noisy.

[brian]

Celebrity Big Brother Channel 5

You have GOT to be kidding!

Ok, so we have Kerry Katona - well, what's a reality show without Kerry?
David Hasseloff's ex-wife!
One of the guys from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding!
Amy from TOWIE!
Jedward!!
The wife of the Speaker of the whatever-it-is (Lords,Commons - I don't care)
A male model and an actress who looked so dim and vacuous I didn't think she'd manage to get down the stairs!

I think I shall take up hand-gliding, or crochet or anything that gets me away from the TV

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

This is a great twist for the comeback of Big Brother - don't send in the celebrities from the beginning. Genius!

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

Watched 15 mins of 'Celeb' Big Brother just at the point the paparazzi bloke has a go at Jedward for giving the Essexgirl (is it one word now?) a wedgie. "You don't do that to a woman" says the pap. No, you hide in the bushes and take a picture of her naked from a hundred yards away.

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

TJ, I see adverts for drug rehab, alcohol rehab and psychotherapy on your sight. You certainly understand your contributors.

[brian]

I have a new favourite tv show - Don't Tell the Bride - BBC3

Last night was hilarious!

The premise of the show - for those who haven't seen it yet - is the prospective groom is given £12,000 to pay for the entire wedding - without the poor bride knowing anything until the big day.

Last night poor bride Jackie sky-dived to her ceremony after spending all morning in hair and make-up. Brave girl! The reception was held at the groom's favourite working men's club which the groom had decorated with a Christmas theme and even splashed out on a new toilet seat for the ladies loo. The cake was in the shape of a giant nose - the bride had often said she would like to have a slice taken from her own nose ...

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

Good grief! Noel Edmond's more hairy look on Deal Or No Deal. He looks like Wolverine in the early stages of puberty.

[brian]

Downton Abbey ITV Sunday 9pm

That Spanish Flu was a bit of a killer wasn't it! I remember Hazel Bellamy getting it in Upstairs Downstairs about 30 years ago!

I thought Lady Cora was going to cop it, but it turned out poor, sweet Lavinia ended up copping for it!

[brian]

Now that Craig has been kicked out of X Factor, will M&S change their advert... Again!

[brian]

Has anyone seen the advert for a certain department store where a little boy is eagerly awaiting Christmas morning, counting off the days, going to bed early etc and finally rushing into his parents room with his badly wrapped present on christmas morning? I really thought this was cute until I saw a revised version... same little boy awaiting Christmas morning, rushes into parents' room, only to find Gordon Ramsey with a mountain of potatoes and a peeler "You're late" he growls "Get peeling!"

[thevoiceofthemysterons]

So, someone wins Britains Got Talent with an 'act' that is basically "Dog does what I tell it to".
Do the same routine with a cat, then you've got an act.