tellyjelly

Coronation Street: 3 October 2008

At one point in last night's hour of Coronation Street, it looked as though Rosie might have become food for the fishes at Mother Shipton's Well, or something like that. However, the plot has thickened enough for us to make an uneducated guess that she is, in fact, impersonating John Stapes' grandmother's cat. That is, he has not gone to the isolated house in the country to feed the cat as he claims but he has more than likely stashed her in the basement like the Collector he is. This week will probably prove me wrong, though, and Rosie will have been spotted in Moscow - just as some of the factory girls presumed.

Eastenders' Fred and Ginger

When something is about to be screened that is so painful to the eyeballs that you can't watch it directly, only with an elaborate use of mirrors or out of the corner of your soon-to-be-damaged eye, you'd expect to be given a warning by the continuity announcer. Either through a massive oversight or exceptional cruelty, innocent viewers were condemned to watch Ronnie attend her school re-union with Christian expecting her to perhaps get a bit tipsy. Instead, we were forced to hide behind the collective imaginary settee as they danced their hearts out to the applause of everyone gathered round. Of the very small segment I endured, I can only say someone might be hoping (unrealistically) to be on Strictly Come Dancing next year.

Losing It: Griff Rhys Jones on Anger

In Losing It, Griff Rhys Jones came across as quite jolly, avuncular even, despite protesting that he does get really angry sometimes. His anger management could have been solved in 10 minutes if someone would have just taken the time to say, you're not that bad really, but I suppose there wouldn't have been a programme then. He did reveal that one of his major trigger points comes when he receives emails from vicars in Norfolk asking him to open village fetes in six months time. For some reason, this sends him demented with rage, but he doesn't smash up his computer or track down the unthinking vicars and tell them off. He writes back politely informing them he has to decline the invitation.

Coronation Street: 29 September 2008

Could someone please explain why Janice went to all the trouble of creating the fake i.d. bearing Rosie Webster's name to cash the lottery ticket? Couldn't she have just cashed it herself as the bearer of the ticket? The only possible but convoluted reason is that she is going to have to admit to ripping off her colleagues now Rosie has gone missing as the the police will find out about the bank account. Apart from this quibble, this disappearing act is beginning to look good and could mean the show will turn into the north-west of England's answer to Twin Peaks - a damn fine bitter and Betty's hot pot sounds almost right.

Strictly Come Dancing and the Eastenders Cull

First Phil Daniels gets voted off and then Gillian Taylforth last night, and so the curse of Eastenders has struck again. This could be because they aren't very good dancers, but more likely it's karma working at long last as the gods have decided to punish those involved in the most depressing soap ever - with Hollyoaks as a close second.

I've also noticed that Strictly Come Dancing is getting longer and longer and next year it will probably be on every night for 10 or 11 hours depending on if they can find enough people/celebrities willing to punish themselves in this way. If not Bruce, could tell more and more jokes to fill in the time, well, he can carry on much as he does now and baffle people with his scripted wit. That one about Craig sucking on a lemon was particularly strange and, some may say, unnecessary.