tellyjelly

Eastenders: 18 February 2011

Heather's week just keeps getting worse. She's almost killed by monoxide poisoning, she's probably going to have a custody battle over baby George with baby father Darren, and Shirl gives her a Mel and Kim CD.

The forthcoming custody suit was signposted not so cleverly when dozy Josie (Jodie really, but poetic licence is applicable in this situation) bought George a sailor suit. The warning became louder the other day when she threw his clothes away. Before we know it, George will be patch-free and wearing shoes and Heather will be only a faded memory.

Coronation Street: 14 February 2011

It was good to see Valentine's Day celebrated last night and if you'd just arrived from Mars you might have initially thought everyone was going to be happy. Sally had a candlit dinner with Jeff who is also known as Alfie and Peter and Leanne nearly had their wedding blessed.

Don't worry, it all went wrong in the end and it moved quickly on from Mills and Boon to melodramatic gothic horror in no time. Peter commanded everyone to stay in the church while he humiliated his once beloved, but now adulterous, Leanne, and with his hypnotic powers he made the guests all sit down and listen as self-righteous indignation took centre stage. After all that, you can't help thinking Leanne's better off out of it.

Sally's meal also went badly wrong once Kevin decided to bring Lloyd and Cheryl round to show them the house now it's for sale. Kevin really should stick to the day job because he'll never sell a house at this rate - there's the conservatory, there's the kitchen, there's the man I'm going to beat up - not exactly Location, Location, Location.