tellyjelly

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 30 July 2010

Ben, John James, Andrew and Dave were on the shortlist this week and Ben was given the public old heave-ho; he was evicted, quiff and all. He went in the middle of what has to have been the best task ever: the ignoring of the obvious. Davina coming in the house to disturb them was second only to Marcus Bentley, the Geordie narrator, doing a running commentary the other day as he stared at them in the living room. The marching brass band through the garden wasn't bad either.

Eastenders: 29 July 2010

Denise returned from the dead last night and was probably hoping for a welcome reception from her daughters. You can't blame her for thinking this, as she had been missing for weeks and her girls love her even though they thought she killed Owen before committing suicide. Most people, apart from Eastenders script writers, would have expected them to be happy if not a little traumatised. So, imagine my surprise, yet again, when the exact opposite happened.

Chelsea was furious at her mother for making a re-appearance, but at least this gave us a laugh. It was also pretty hilarious when Lucas held them hostage with the threat of, well, his presence and imposing demeanour. And let's go through this one more time: he threw a t.v. out of the window, and still nobody could hear what was happening inside. The bystanders couldn't get in the house either because the door was bolted, and yet there was a massive telly-sized hole in the window.

Eastenders: 27 July 2010

You know that if an Eastenders episode features Fats you're in for a trying time and last night was no different to usual. Ha ha - he had this idea that he and his new-found long-lost best friend should play rounders in the Square, because he felt like seizing the moment. Guess what, go on, you won't believe it. Ok, he broke a window and much confusion arose out of this situation.

While he was making us laugh, Denise made us cry. I think that was the plan anyway. Yes - Denise is well and truly back from the dead and I'm not kidding when I say you really won't believe it. She was in the cellar of the boarded up house next door to Patrick's B & B all along, and nobody knew (perhaps because it was so far-fetched, nobody could know).

Eastenders: 26 July 2010

I know a good idea for a soap storyline: it's about time we had a lengthy discussion about Deuteronomy and what this book means in relation to the New Testament because nobody has ever done that before in the history of soapland telly. Mmm. Unfortunately, what seems like a cracking scene on paper doesn't actually work with actors, cameras and an audience.

While we're on the subject of unlikely, impossible storylines, where abouts is Denise being kept prisoner? I looked away for a second as I wiped a tear from my eye at the thought that she is still alive, and so could have missed Lucas's entrance. Is it under the allotment shed, I wonder, or somewhere more exotic like the cellar in the Queen Vic? All answers will be given due consideration.