tellyjelly

Ashes to Ashes: Final Episode, 21 May 2010

With no warning, Friday became postmodern night, what with David Platt (of Coronation Street of course) questioning the nature of truth and reality and thinking creating a new witness for his mother will get her off the hook of murder. It was also as old-fashioned as ever as the supremacy of dastardly Tracey Barlow looks set to be overturned as the new improved David aims to fight these forces of evil.

All of this, coincidentally, looks like it was meant to be a prelude to the last episode of Ashes to Ashes. We all already knew that Gene - not Mike - Hunt was the Gary Cooper of 1970s and 1980s cop shows, but who'd have thought he was as good as that. For those of us who watched the show, I hope you've stopped crying now for those who haven't I don't want to spoil it - so watch it asap.

Emmerdale: 19 May 2010

Farmer of the Year and all round good, some might say smug, guy, John Barton, has been caught out kissing the blonde one from Hearsay in his car. By the way, she's playing the part of Edna Birch's grandaughter and we have been led to believe she is a lot younger than John, but I'm not so sure.

He was unlucky enough to have been spotted by Cain, and Cain then went on to blackmail him long enough to finally collect the money off him for the repairs he did to his land rover. To my mind, Cain shows what a decent character he is by only doing this to get what he thought was legally his. He has since told Moira, wife of aforementioned John, about the car shenanigans. In doing so, even an amateur like me knows he has cut off all future supplies of extortion money, and thus demonstrated his generosity of spirit.

Eastenders: 6 May 2010

Just when things were going badly for Billy (Mitchell rather than Jackson), they got even worse. Whereas we thought he was going to get arrested for attempting to sell a bumper pack of oregano that he liberated from Masood's postal van, instead, it turns out, lo and behold, the police stopped him in the street in the middle of the night to let him know his ex-father-in-law and ex-wife have been in a terrible car accident. Within the hour, he was handing his kids over to Phil Mitchell, supposedly because he thinks he makes better father material than him and thus proved that he was.

Eastenders: 30 April 2010

Move Over Darling was the theme tune for last night's show, as Peggy and Pat both gave a rendition to signify their love for Harvey. For those not in the know, Harvey is the low-rent Eastenders' equivalent of Lewis in Coronation Street. For those still not in the know, he is two-timing Peggy and Pat and we should be amused because this is a farcical situation and he is played by Martin 'rings on his fingers' Jarvis. If you are full of wisdom and still not in the know, you are only missing out on embarrassment and self-loathing for watching this in the first place. Stick to reading or listening to the radio instead until he disappears.

Coronation Street: 30 April 2010

Mary's ability to recall facts increases the closer she gets to Norris - and only the queen of the quiz Mary, and Magnus Magnusson's close family, could have known Magnus Magnusson's potted biography. She started reciting such random details last night as she plotted for Norris to stay in their isolated cottage and even bellowed at him when he attempted to check for a way to make the Beast (her mobile home) work again.

You might think he'd be flattered by this much attention, but it turns out he's terrified and, to misquote, he'd rather let an army of zombies in his bedroom than her. This is why he moved the dresser in front of his door, but I have a feeling this won't do any good. It's time to prepare to be hobbled.