tellyjelly

Big Brother: What the housemates did next

I wonder if Lee Kern was forced at gun point to make this film of what the housemates did next, as he just used the full hour to show us that these people are only celebrity wannabes whose fifteen minutes of fame are already over. Even though he is really smart, because he kept up the disingenuous act long enough to make everyone involved look less intelligent than him, he should have remembered his audience. We already know the housemates have no particular talents beyond appearing in a reality show for as many weeks as possible, and we also already know they are looking for a good pay day at the end of it. It would have been far more interesting to find out if Rex really should thank his father for his personality and see what Prince Charming thought of Kat's appearance. While we're on the subject, has Darnell bought himself some new slippers yet?

When Women Rule the World

When women rule the world, Steve Jones will be gurning in the background and making fatuous comments if this latest reality offering is anything to go by. Of course it goes without saying that this show cannot be trusted in anyway in its depiction of what would happen if the roles were reversed, except women will abuse their power too. It was hilarious at times, though, especially when the said presenter informed us that the show has set out to 'examine gender differences'.

I suggest the contestants should all undergo an enforced gender re-allocation to truly test this hypothesis and with the promise of a deal with OK magazine I'm pretty sure they'll go along with it. The side benefit for us will be that they can suffer the same pain we've had to endure.

The Secret Millionaire in Rochdale

It's strange how The Secret Millionaire always manages to be moving even though we know a) the millionaires can easily afford to give the money away, and b) their acts of charity help support rather than undo the capitalist system that has made their fortunes and kept the recipients poor. Perhaps it's the idea of being kind to strangers that is interesting to watch, and last night's show was a little different in that the millionaire (Hilary Devey) didn't claim to have an ideal lifestyle despite the wealth. The history of her son's heroin addiction and the last shot of her at home alone in her mansion prove money doesn't buy everything (but if you're reading this can you lend me a fiver?).

Eastenders: 8th September 2008

While we're still all mourning the loss of Big Brother for another year, Eastenders fits the mood as it drags on from episode to episode forever and ever.

The latest intrigue is set to involve unlikely femme fatale Stacie (yet again; more yawns) and new boy multi-talented Callum who is also the son of Bobby Davro, well, his character, Vinnie. Not only does Callum work for Ian Beale, which is always a difficult proposition, he also teaches Fightercise in the community centre. I doubt many viewers were surprised about this double life as every single member of the cast must have mentioned this class at least ten times before it began so we knew something exciting would happen when they arrived en masse, and lo and behold when Stacie turns up there he is ready to instruct them.

The only bright spot on the Eastenders map is the welcome thought that the latest Mitchell - Archie -  will turn out to be the worst one yet. His unprecedented kindness to Billy has not gone unnoticed and in a few weeks, perhaps at Christmas dinner, he will reveal how secretly he hates them all and has stuffed the turkey with arsenic.