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Big Brother and the Fallout

Sylvia professed her heart had been ripped out and Jen couldn't stop crying. Who could have guessed that Dennis's eviction would have upset them so much? He was their best friend, though, and Sylvia wouldn't be able to see him for at least six hours.

Of the others, Rebecca and Luke continue to try to dominate the cameras and still manage to blow their chances with one too many snide comments. Darnell, on the other hand, is surely a main contender now after frightening the others in his defence of Mohamed and keeping his temper when being told off by Jen (again).

Big Brother: Bye Bye Dennis and Sylvia

Jen, the Monet/Lady Macbeth of BB 9, threw a record temper tantrum and the unlikely but welcome outcome was the ousting of stretchy Dennis. If he can spit in Mohamed's face with cameras rolling and with no provocation - except being bored to tears by Jen's monologue - you wonder how he reacts when he is really angry. Watch out if you push in front of him in a queue, you'll probably wake up to a horse's head and I think I'll cancel my membership to the dance school he was going to open - if those plies aren't good enough, he chops off your feet.

Sylvia's departure means we're running out of people to be annoyed by, but newboy Stuart could be the one to save us. His heroic defence of Jen's art work should be remembered by viewers and housemates as the moment his card was marked.

Big Brother: What Happened Last Night?

While watching the live feed last night, I was a bit miffed when it was suddenly halted due to 'technical' problems. It occurred just as an overdue collision between Jen's best friends - of three weeks - came into conflict with Rex and Mohamed (and possibly others). The most exciting thing to happen live at around 1 am, and they cut it.

It all came about because Jen was distraught about Rex smudging her painting and between sobs she went on to tell everyone willing to listen that he wouldn't be able to do this in an art gallery - and she wouldn't stick her fingers in his pies. There are numerous reasons why she may be called annoying, but I'll stick to two for now. Firstly, her painting of Stuart is only good enough for the wall of a creche, or the fridge in the BB house, and secondly, has she accepted a secret mission to be the Judge Judy of BB9?

Big Brother: Mario the Facilitator

Comedy genius Mario came over all masterly again as he organised and chose the team for the dance task. As a facilitator, health and safety expert, manager of 500 people, and possessor of countless other skills, nothing could go wrong with him at the helm.

Ok, that's an easy shot given the good editing and his bullets (his words that is), and he can't be blamed for the skin being dragged from Rachel's arm as the combination of humans and treadmills is notoriously difficult to supervise. His true error came when he wasn't the first to find the first aid box. Given the responsibilities this man likes to shoulder, I expected him to be able to lay his hand on it at the first sign of danger. If he is too apathetic to carry it around with him all day, he should at least be able to tell Lisa where to find it.

Sympathy for the day goes out to Rachel, Rex and Mohamed, but this will probably be short-lived. 

Big Brother: Luke Exposed

At last Luke's chameleon-like ability to merge with any given group has been revealed by Darnell. To be fair, it wasn't that difficult to notice and even Mikey's camouflage wouldn't have helped him but up to now he has been getting away with being what can only be described as a shit stirrer. Apart from Darnell, and Rachel in the nominations, none of the others have mentioned it and I have to say he has turned into a disappointing figure. He is officially no longer my favourite to win. Hold the front page - Kat surely can't let us down, so £1 on her (each way).

The good news: Sylvia must be on her way out now she is up for the public vote - remember to ring 09016 16 16. 16

Big Brother Has Got Talent

If only Britain's Got Talent had had Mario, Lisa and Mikey* as contestants it might have been worth watching. The horror on the faces of Jen, Rachel and Luke, who all looked as though they had been invited to an updated version of Abigail's Party, means Mario and Lisa SHOULD be back in the viewers' good books.

After last night's show, it seems that Lisa has taken the tack of intimidating the others with her self-designated alpha female status as well as making them as embarrassed as possible - and for this we applaud her. Lisa and Mario increasingly resemble the swinging couple from Benidorm and long may this continue.

*  For clarification, the punchline to one of Mikey's jokes was 'and let my guide dog lick it off'. He did not say 'and let my gay dog let off'.

Big Brother Latest: Sylvia doesn't know everything

It must have been the understatement of the year when Sylvia's mum told her she didn't know everything. With the conspiracy to hide food from the rest of the group (including Mikey and Mohammed) being discovered (by Mikey and Mohammed), her mum is proven correct again. I wonder how high the phone votes percentage will be if she is in the running for eviction - more than Alex would have had?

Meanwhile, Jen - the off-centre fuzzy photocopy of Rachel - also shows that you don't need to have self-awareness to be accepted on to the show. It would be fairer to say the less you have the more chance you have of being one of the main stars. Dennis too, with his Hitler flick, bendy legs and sticky-out belly, is a living demonstration of great self-confidence matched only by self-delusion.