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This Week on T.V. - 30th May 2008

Kiss of Death tried too hard to be innovative at the expense of clarity when it insisted on punctuating every ten minutes with back stories and flashbacks. I wonder if it was competing with the CSI franchise as it drew on all the available tricks, but it would have been better with a more relaxed style. Even Danny Dyer was watchable for once,  because he had no time to tell us how ard he is, so it was not without merit and the perp's violence against women was enough to keep most misogynists satisfied.

It was a good week for The Apprentice followers, though, as Michael Sophocles is now out, out out. Hurrah. The interview stage is next, which is always a difficult one to watch if you have a nervous disposition, and fingers crossed (and eyes closed and ears covered) in the hope Lucinda gets through.

Back to dependable Eastenders and this week's latest drug addict. I can't help but wonder that the writers think it is obligatory to have at least one person with an addiction and now it's Chelsea's turn. She has suddenly gone from miserable wretch to miserable addicted wretch in two days and I suppose this should be a warning to all of us except it is a laughable, unlikely and pretty uninteresting storyline. 

Coronation Street: PERFECTION

In last night's Coronation Street (28th May 2008), the viewers were given a reminder of the halcyon days when the tragi-comic ruled. Let me list the reasons: Chesney taking advice from Kirk; Roy's heroism; the Kabin detectives; Jerry's heart attack; Kirk missing out on marrying a lottery winner etc etc. As well as these dream scenarios, there was also the bitchfest between Janice (who apparently visits stately home tearooms) and Deirdre 'the glasses' Barlow. A full hour of the sublime and the ridiculous with Norris and Roy taking centre stage - it doesn't get much better.

Separated Before Birth

Possibly not as good as Bianca and Chewbacca, or Cadfael and Cadfael, but here's Greg from Emmerdale and his long lost twin, Liza Minnelli:

  If he was wearing mascara, you wouldn't be able to see the difference.

Good, Bad and Ugly

Good

• Tiger, tiger burning bright - Hull City v Bristol City on Sky.
• Norris grassing Claire up in Coronation Street.
• Jeremy Kyle for always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. God bless morning telly.
• Jean in Eastenders.

Bad and Ugly

• The firing of Raef - keep those fingers crossed for Lucinda.
• Piers Morgan plugging his programme. It'd be better if he just plugged himself into the national grid and put us all out of our misery.
• No more Benidorm.

Separated at Birth

I think this is a bit cruel, comparing Bianca of Eastenders to Chewbacca, so Rich W. can take the full credit:

This Week on T.V. - 23rd May 2008

Black armbands required for the demise of Raef and his hair in The Apprentice this week. Ok, so he can't really do anything and his team lost for artistic reasons, but this means Michael still gets away with it - apparently because he reminds Sir Alan of his younger self. Perhaps Nick and Margaret should tell their boss about the perils of self-identifying with someone so repellent. 

The 1970s programme Living in the Past was re-visited in a What Happened Next BBC4 catch-up show as the couples spoke about their year long stint in the Iron Age. Described as one of the earliest reality t.v. shows, it was quite telling that these participants were chosen in the hope they would be a harmonious mix. Compared to what is going on now, this looks like an age of innocence.

Good, Bad and Ugly

Good

• Dimbleby's beating in Russia.
• Viv and Bob - master criminals in Emmerdale.
• Kirk's new girlfriend in Coronation Street (but was he always this dozy?).
• Gail's new-found dad, Ted, in Coronation Street.
• Heather and Shirley in a cell in Eastenders.

Bad and Ugly

• Beat the Star - only good if the corpse of Vernon Kaye is the weapon.
• Still no soaps on Sunday night.
• Stereotypes are us in Eastenders with the Masood visitors.

This Week on T.V. - 16th May 2008

If Waking the Dead has taught us anything, we now know not to join a pub quiz team as it can lead to strange initiation ceremonies in a wood, and murder. Personally speaking, it has only ever meant being compared to Peter Barlow, but that's another story and I'm not bitter about that any more.

The Artful Codgers by the Cutting Edge team was a sad documentary about the Greenhalgh family and ended with the news that the brilliant Sean Greenhalgh is in prison for playing his part in conning the art world. The programme was played mainly for laughs as the family's joint enterprise showed the art world up as pompous to say the least and I suppose it is heart warming to think of the dealers thinking they have conned 'Farmer George' (Sean's father) when it was always the other way around. Wouldn't it be good to hope that when Sean comes out of prison he will be recognised as an artist in his own right, and be respected for his talent? By the same token, it would also be good to hope Father Christmas really does exist and money does grow on trees.

Good, Bad and Ugly

Good

• Ben's tap dancing and possible future career in musical theatre.
• The bitchiness of Claire and Sally in Coronation Street. More please.
• Margi Clarke as Gavin's mother in Benidorm.

Bad and Ugly

• Enough of the Coronation Street black-haired gang - also known as the Connors.
• The thick pills that have been given to Mickey, Jase, Bradley and Arnold in Eastenders.

This Week on T.V. - 9th May 2008

Ooh la la, The Apprentice on Wednesday has to have been the funniest and most cringe-making of the series so far with the downfall of the Jennifers and the obvious lack of kosher knowledge. For those of us who stick to 100% as the best, rather than the much quoted 110% or the extravagantly ambitious 150%, the candidates, who are all in a little business world of their own, give us mortals a chance to feel superior. Thank you.

Eastenders again and the scriptwriters really should remember their audience has an attention span longer than they do. Jase and Mickey have both separately had a confrontation with Sean - following so far? - they clean Mrs Masood's car, and before they receive the payment the car is dirty again. As Mickey helpfully pointed out, someone has done this on purpose.If this is supposed to be the best soap, I want a recount.

 

This Week on T.V. - 3rd May 2008

Paranoid, hateful and full of self-loathing - anyway, enough about me because Peep Show is back. The boys have returned to the flat after Mark's disastrous wedding and it's no surprise that the selfless one is ready to date again. His new found machismo was a shock, though, when he apprehended and locked up the burglar on the balcony and hope the same amoral decision that led to the burning and eating of a pet dog will surface again.

I  wonder if Eastenders has been pulling out all the stops in time for the British Soap Awards. Ben's tap dancing and Stacie's mum cooking a cocaine surprise have given the shattered viewers a few moments of light relief, but Ben really needs to overcome his embarrassment, and should learn to do more than the beginning and end, if he is aiming for the big time.

Just Bad and Ugly

• I'd do anything except watch I'd Do Anything.
• Talent shows without Tony Hatch or Mickey Most.
• Coronation Street might be back on a Sunday night, but what about Emmerdale?
• Come Dine With Me squashed into just one hour.
• Rosemary and Thyme Christmas special.
• Green greeting cards.