tellyjelly

Coronation Street: 10 July 2009

If I could be bothered, I would be making a call to Ofcom right now. I can't be the only one, surely, who thinks a warning should have been given before last night's Coronation Street to let us know when to leave the room before Molly and Kevin got it together. This was truly unsettling and I wonder how the national grid coped with the sudden burst of electric being used as people turned kettles on rather than watch this budding love story unfold. This just isn't right and could only be stranger if Sally and Tyrone suddenly took a liking to each other - no, no, no.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 10 July 2009

Friends in the house looked stunned after the latest evictee name, Kris, was called out and so the story continues. The viewing public get their revenge on the one who has cast himself as 'most popular' of 2009 and he will probably get a good magazine deal telling of his romance. Everyone's a winner, maybe. 

Eastenders: 7 July 2009

Have the scriptwriters taken entire leave of their senses with the Heather-being-pregnant storyline? Her pregnancy as such is of interest, don't get me wrong (and don't then start comparing me unfavourably with Shirley),  but why oh why oh why oh why does it have to be such a negative, miserable experience for her and us? Last night's punchline cum cliffhanger tells it all: Shirley suggested she thinks about having it adopted, and said this immediately after Heather had been waxing lyrical about baby clothes and cots.

On the other side of the square, Phil has been having an affair with Dawn, which is unlikely enough, and on being discovered by Minty Dawn has left to look after her migraine-suffering mother and much put upon Gary believes her. Mm. It may be paranoia, but I can't help thinking these stories are designed to send me screaming to the hills.

Big Brother: Nominations 7 July 2009

Sooo - Charlie, Dogface, Freddie, Marcus and, drum roll please, Kris are all up for eviction this week. The number to call is 09016 16 16 07. You have to trust me on this so don't bother checking - just call. I'll give you one more clue: this vote is for all those who just aren't that keen on practical jokers.

Coronation Street: 6 July 2009

There are still some certainties in life, like death, taxes and knowing not to eat your tea when Casualty is on. The fourth has to be if you cross David Platt you will be hounded out of the street (into prison or hospital - but only if you are a fictional character in Coronation Street). So it's in keeping that he has already lost his cool as well as the plot with Jason who is now in a relationship with Tina, the love of David's life. Even better than seeing him throwing extremely expensive taps in retaliation (worth £60 a go), though, is Gail and her unswerving love for this little prince. Ahh - this could go on and on until he has her dead upstairs on a rocking chair, and he opens a motel, and wears her clothes, and kills someone in a shower.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 3rd July 2009

Freddie survived another eviction night, leaving Sree to face the strange set-up that is called the interview with Davina (and guests). Here's hoping Lisa is the next one to face Freddie in the vote-off because he is undoubtedly going to be nominated yet again.

Eastenders: 30 June 2009

Last night, Manda and Heather duked it out over the karaoke as they competed for Minty's affections. Yes, you heard right, Minty. You'd have thought topping this flight of fancy would have been difficult, but no, the scriptwriters can always go further than you might expect. This came when Manda showed how much better she was than Heather by performing a faultless rendition of Wham Rap, whereas Heather's was only ok (I think that was the point anyway). This makes the plots in Grange Hill or even Rainbow look as complex and interesting as The Sopranos and yet I'm still watching it in the hope things will improve. The only way round this problem is to do the following: if I stop paying my licence fee, get arrested, and get put in a prison where there are not tellies, there is a good chance I might be able to avoid it.

Big Brother: Eviction Night, 26 June 2009

If there really is such a thing as evolution and natural selection, how come practical jokers are still wandering the earth, inflicting their own specialized brand of sadistic humour while simultaneously bellowing 'can't you take a joke?'? Speaking of which, Kris and Charlie continue to avoid extinction and carry on appealing to hopefully only the lowest common denominators as they ply their trade in humiliating others - Let this be a lesson to all of us. The next time someone screeches 'can't you take a joke?', the appropriate response is to say 'no' and then report them to the police for a made-up crime. Let's see how good their sense of humour is then.

Meanwhile, Angel has been evicted and will hopefully get some kind of karmic revenge for the maltreatment she had in the house and in the interview/Big Mouth experience with Davina.

Emmerdale: 25 June 2009

Andy has been collecting bottles and bottles of tomato ketchup and has been daydreaming in between his shopping stints. Seriously, though, it makes a welcome change to have a portrayal of a breakdown that does not involve the histrionics that are usually seen on tv - he just keeps saying how busy he is, then he is next seen laid on the floor staring at the ceiling. 

The Wilde family look set to carry on annoying us for at least a little longer as the bigamy secret has finally been revealed. This storyline is ok up to a point, but why does the wealthy son/sons in any Emmerdale family, in this case Nathan, have to always be so corrupt and sleazy?

Coronation Street: 22 June 2009

At last it has been said aloud - that Auntie Pam looks a little like Cherie Blair, or as Bill said 'a bargain basement Cherie Blair'.

Now that's out of the way, let's consider the implications of Fiz's forthcoming engagement and marriage to John Stape. He might be an adulterer, kidnapper and current resident of Strangeways, but apart from that she seems to think he's quite a catch especially after he was put on suicide watch. Mmm, and what about her prison protest (and me thinks she did protest too much) where she tricked the governor and a prison warden into thinking she had swallowed the key after chaining herself to a railing. I bet they think Paul Daniels really is magic.