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Emmerdale: the past 2 weeks, 2011

Andy didn't start the fire; the copper, who used to be in a wheelchair in Doctors, did. Now we've cleared that up, hopefully we can get one with more plausible and less annoying storylines. Mind you, this is Emmerdale and it has been alternating between depressing and irritating of late. If only Jackson could at least get back the use of the top half of his body - but no, he has to be tetraplegic and we have to watch Pauline Quirke soldiering on and on and on.

Eastenders: 21 January 2011

The self-imposed ban on Eastenders lasted for all of one and a half episodes, but this seems to have had no effect whatsoever on the producers. Kat and Alfie still think little Tommy is with the angels when really he is with Ronnie, and Carol and Bianca are still dysfunctional in their relationship. Even better, it turns out Sonia's been living in Dagenham for months and left that mythical place - up North, in Manchester - and we are supposed to believe Bianca kept this a secret from everyone for all this time. Hmm. We're left wondering why this strange twist was brought in and can only presume it's because the Dagenham tourist board need a bit of help at the moment.

This is Your Life, Hattie Jacques: BBC4 19 January 2011

Watching this repeat from 1963, one of the first remarkable things you notice is how bossy Eamon Andrews could be. I suppose it must have been quite a difficult job, surprising celebrities who didn't really want to be surprised, but going by this show and my distant memories This is Your Life could be an ordeal - for Eamon, the star guest and the audience - as well as light entertainment. It was also scandal free so was more like This is Part of Your Life, and as viewers of the earlier programme, Hattie, would already know, her boyfriend didn't count in this sanitised biography.

Coronation Street: 17 January 2011

With enemies like Nick Tilsley, you could really do without friends like Kieran. Poor old Peter fell of the wagon last night in the Weatherfield Arms, aided and abetted by dastardly love rival Nick, and was then hijacked in his wheelchair by Kieran and pushed the cobbley way home for good measure. I'm sure he's had more disturbing nights out, if it's possible to say that about a fictional character, but I better it didn't involve getting pressure sores from cobbles. 

Coronation Street: 10 January 2011

As accidental serial killers go, John Stape must be the most entertaining. Even his confession was a farce, and I don't suppose many people would believe he'd left Colin Fishwick's body under a knicker factory. Colin's mother is poor old Mrs Fishwick, who is sometimes Joy to John sometimes not, is the latest victim in his unplanned spree and it looks like he might not be able to talk his way out of this one. Two empty bowls and his fingerprints everywhere including the tin opener; his phone number in Mrs Fishwick's phone; need I go on? Hopefully he will stay out of prison for at least a few years, though. While he's still on the scene, perhaps he could be instrumental in doing away with annoying Tracey or Chris the builder who is obviously going to beat Maria to smithereens in the not so distant future.